The Ibex I Saw

The stars are out. It's not too cold. It's really pretty tonight. I saw a purple hoody today. I really wanted to buy it for you. There was no one there to slap me. It would have looked good on you. Suprisingly soft for wool. The night sky has been transformed into the heavens again. With the dark. Through the stars. They move through the night. When you struggle like this- the language of letting go or holding on really does come to mind. It seems horribly misleading and inaccurate- but it just jumps to your lips as you grope for words to express...

So many things to do or say- yet this one demands that I confront it now. This one refuses to be pushed aside. This one will not wait, will not rest on the back-burner. I have homework I say- angry silence (and this from myself). I have bills to pay- more of the same. I have friends to call back- not now, you don't. I will be heard- you will not not deal with me anymore. Oh, and to insure this- I will be felt. You will feel me and you will not stop feeling me until you have resolution- until you make resolution. I will force you to find it (and I can almost hear myself saying this); you will feel yourself.

I'm so glad I am starting to heal. One brick at a time. Skiing this winter, Lord-willing. The snow has already started. The ice is outside. New ice-tools, definately new ice-tools. But even as I begin to do what it is that I was made to do once again- still I know that I am changed. I will never be able to ignore myself the way I once did. This is going to get so messy. But why dip my toes?