The Faithful Friend You Would Like To Lose

Have you ever found it harder to lose something than you expected? Have you ever found yourself wanting it back? You struggle inside yourself going back and forth between wanting it and thinking it's not really a good idea. And then sometimes the struggle is with wanting something that is not likely to ever happen and trying to "be realistic". It is amazing the highs and lows you can go through in a day. You can just feel the ice at nine in the morning you are so high but then at noon the ice may creep into your heart and you are hit with a hot blast of sand and grit. The joy is gone and all is dark. But then back up the mountain you go. Feelings are funny things.

Have you ever tried so hard for something- I mean so very very extremely hard- and just utterly failed, falling flat on your face? Have you ever given it all you got and then kept giving- but still did not make it? Have you ever dug so deep, so deep that you knew you had never dug there before, and still come up short? It is amazing to fail when you have tried. It is amazing in so many ways. I never really knew just how much I wanted to not lose something- not until I lost it.

When everything in your heart is abandoned and no one understands why it is that it hurts- and no one can see how they are hurting each other, when all is drowned out by the voice of selfish pain- a feeling that demands to be heard- then is the time that people so often learn a valuble lesson. And that lesson is most often too late. Not always, but most often it is.

Let the long dark tea time of the soul be the time that we prepare and learn. Scorn the pain too much and it will never leave you. Let it be heard.