I know Love

I understand what it is like to think first and act second. I know how difficult it can be to wait for thoughts to finish themselves in others and in yourself. But really what do I know? Do I know fear? Do I know pain? Maybe I know these things a bit. But what do I really know? I know confusion and I know love. God showed his love for me in this, that while I was yet a sinner He died for me. I do not think confusion needs much explanation. My thoughts are so often muddied by my sins and my mind so often in need of renewal that moments of clarity sound trumpets and ride in on white horses because they are so far different from the usual experience. But love... amidst the realization of the utter failure of self is the act of Jesus Christ on the cross. His purchase of the Church by his blood, His saving of all of me- this is love. I remember how as a small child I was so utterly devestated by the sin in myself. I remember the fear of punishment when the realization of my sin hit me like falling rock in the chest at the age of eight. I remember going to my knees- because that seemed the most appropriate before the Creator of the universe. I remember asking him to forgive me my sins. I remember asking him to come into my heart (this was the phrase I had heard at church- though not an entirely bad one). I knew I was wrong. I knew I was a sinner. People say to me now, "you were just influenced by your parents- you only believed you were a sinner because you trusted them". I really wish people would listen to themselves sometimes before they opened their mouths. I really wish I would listen to myself before I blurted things out. Even if that were true (I'm being a bit more than generous here) it still wouldn't change much. I put on a coat when it is cold first because I was taught it. I look both ways before crossing the street because I was told to by my parents. I share my cookies because my mom influenced me. The list of things that I know, the list of things that I believe, the list of things that I base decisions upon- this list of things is a list of the labour my parents love. Maybe some do not think that they need to teach their children anything. Maybe they think the government should do that (as if it even could). But it is the job of parents to raise up their children in the fear of the Lord. If they do not fear the Lord, then they will not teach their children. But this is love. Jesus Christ died for me. I know this. I know it more than the confusion in my own heart and mind. I know love.