I have never been comfortable with holidays... never been psyched about gifts- perhaps something in me was broken long ago and remains unrepaired- perhaps not. Regardless of why, the holidays have always made me feel terrible. We rarely ever treat the days as holy- and I hardly understood what that even meant.
It's not that I have not gotten gifts that I treasure more than words can describe- I was just playing an acoustic guitar, in fact, and it reminds me of certain people every time I play it. I like that. It is not that I have not enjoyed giving gifts on occasion- sometimes they are well received and enjoyed. Who doesn't enjoy making someone's day and doing good to them? But still I always feel awkward on Christmas.
When people give me nice gifts I often feel obligated rather than over-joyed. And I hardly feel worth the effort (and that particular feeling has little to do with reality- it just is). And of course it is worse if you cannot give them what you perceive as an equal gift.
On this eve of a certain holiday I brace myself for awkwardness and regret. I will not likely feel closer to Jesus when it is over. But that is not so important- what is important is will I be closer to Jesus when it is over.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” -II Corinthians 12:9
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3 comments:
I think many more people feel like that than are willing to admit it. Perhaps the best thing to focus on are the things that we _do_ have.
I mostly still find myself in the admitting I actually have feelings phase of the whole process... but focus is a biblical concept and worth due consideration and meditation.
Summit- Hey, bud. Hiline stopping by your blog. Yes, my friend, it has been a long time.
I found this post interesting. I can completely identify with your feelings about holidays. I usually feel uncomfortable with the expectations and pressure of holidays, and find myself feeling stressed, even if I'm not participating very much, buying presents, or attending many social functions. It's not an easy time of the year for many people, yet, I feel God has something special in store for each of us if we depend on Him.
Thanks, man, for sharing your thoughts on this. I am getting back into the Blogosphere and promise not to be such a stranger to your little corner of the cyber world.
-Hiline
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