A Precursor To A Rough Draft

It's what I long for now
It's what I need right now
I never really got it
I never really understood...

Finding it is not so easy
Losing it is not so hard
Starting it is so much simpler
Holding on is quite another thing.

One is hard-pressed to rise without it
One is hard put to lay down in its absence
"It is not good..."
Ain't that the truth...

Where are there boundaries?
Where are there rules?
Why am I on my own in this?
When I can barely stand without it.

Having it is like a drug
But one that leads to health and not to shame
Living it is like a dream
It takes away so much sorrow even when it brings its own pain.

Who am I to question God?
Who am I to think I know better?
Who am I to think I cannot be blessed?
How dare I...?

I do not know what will come tomorrow
I do not know what will come today
I am not full of joy right now
And maybe that is ok...