Where did I start? Where did I begin?

That day I knew something was wrong.
That day I knew it was over
That day I woke up with regret
That day my soul broke
It broke before the fall
It broke before the blow
It broke before the sin
Those would come
My soul saw this and it gave way and fell to pieces
Scattered about the earth.
I have never been the same since then- but it was not the first time...

It was wrong.
I knew it was.
No one ever told me
I just knew it deep down inside.
No one ever warned me
And now I was guilty
I knew a law had been broken
I knew I had been broken.
Life was now a sentance of death
To be carried out upon my rotting carcass
And it did not even make me feel better
- What I had done that is-
Only guilty, only ashamed.
I was born in sin- and it seemed so too would I die in it.
But that was not the first, either.

She came to me that day.
It was cool-
Maybe it was cold.
I remember the wind in my face
I remember the grass in front of the school sloping down the short hill
I remember the cloudy sky
I remember the faded brick of the building
I remember the leaves rustling fiercly
The colour of the asphalt
The sound of the cars-
Not many cars
For she came for me early
And I didn't have to walk
I always walked
We took a cab home
We never took a cab home
I always walked.
It was yellow
And even now I tell you through tears
I saw something in her eyes
She looked so guilty
She looked so hurt
She looked like she was overwhelmed and did not know what to do or say
But if she was overwhelmed...
What was I to do?
How could I have more strength than her?
Yet I must
I must
I had to
I had to be strong
Aparently this was how life was to be
She told me quickly and we got in the back seat of the cab
The seat was vinyl
She apologized
I did not understand
Did God apologize?
Then why would she?
Why should she?
She told me quickly and I didn't know what it meant
She told me quickly and I didn't know why
So few cars on the street in the middle of the school day.
So few cars.

Why would he leave me?
Why was I not worth staying for?
Could he see the future?
Could he see what I would do, what I would become?
Is that why he left?
Is that why he was not around?
I must not be worth staying around for.
I must not be worth anything
I must be worthless
He must hate me
And despise me for what I truly am
I think somehow he really did know me for what I would become
I think somehow he knew
And so this must be what life is
Perhaps there is a rest when it is over
That sounds nice
That sounds really nice.