You Can Never Go Home Again

Have you ever thought to yourself, "I would love to go back to this place; it was great when I was there last"? Have you ever gone back there only to find that it wasn't the same? If you haven't, you will (unless of course you never go back to a place you have already been). The funny thing is the draw of the memory. I remember some places and times in my life that were so great that... I mean the people, the fellowship, the accountability, the intellectual stimulation- all in one place at one time. I remember some people and places so fondly that just thinking about them makes me a bit teary. I long for that whole experience of the past sometimes and I wish that I could be in it now. The truth is, however, you can never go home again. I don't mean you shouldn't visit your mother on thanksgiving- what I am saying is something that you will all find out and understand if you aren't already nodding your heads while you read this. You can never go home again. When you return to a place that you once loved that you haven't been to in a long time- it has changed. I won't spend too much time on this, because I know no one ever gets it from hearing someone talk about it. Everyone has to experience it for themselves. I certainly didn't get it. I remember getting out of the service. I was so excited to go back home. I could not wait. I had plans laid out, arrangments made, the whole nine yards. Then my mother had a heart-attack and I went home (right before I was to get out of the service) to see her. It was quite the experience. Right away, as soon as I got home, I noticed a difference. My town was different. My family was different. My friends were gone and changed. I was upset at first- and that is when I remembered what someone had told me once (well, probably more than once)... you can never go home again. It is a significant statement that I never understood until I went home after being away for four years. I missed the way it was, but I knew that if my mother was ok that I did not have the reasons to go back to Boston that I thought I had. So after my visit, I flew back to the North and canceled my plans and stayed right where I was (though not on post anymore- which made all the difference). It was a good choice- but I couldn't have made it if I had not understood that you can never go home again. So to all you readers out there, Just remember the phrase, so that when you experience it- you will understand. I don't know anyone who has understood it that has not gone through it and I thank the Lord for the lessons He teaches us in life, especially the hard ones like this. So make a home wherever you are because God is there and He is not silent or slow to act. And don't forget to fly home and visit your mother every once in awhile.

Just A Brief Thought

You know I have noticed that people use religion and religious language to avoid dealing with two things. I have noticed they do these two things frequently. The two things that people do not want to confront (it seems to me) are culture and tradition, and their own emotions.
In the first, people want to avoid having to evaluate what their parents taught them, or their Church growing up taught them, or all their friends at home think. They do not want to consider that these things may be unnecessary or even wrong, so they dress it up in religious language to give it a sort of authority. They may even think (or begin to think) that this is really the authority a particular belief or way of doing things has. They might actually believe that they think this way, or they do things that way, because that is what Christians do or think. The truth of the matter, however, may be altogether different. There may be no biblical mandate whatsoever for doing things a certain way or thinking things are a certain way. It is hard to ignore tradition. It is hard to ignore the advice of the ones you love and trust. I say that if it is hard to ignore these things then you are doing good. You shouldn't ignore what your family or friends, or church says to you. You also shouldn't accept it unconditionally. If I love you (for instance), it does not make me infallable. My love for a person does not garauntee that I will give them good advice. So although if I love a person they should not ignore me- they also should not take whatever I say as gospel truth. (which is why meditation on the Word is so important)
In the second, people often feel a certain way and they ascribe that feeling to God, or to the Holy Spirit in their life, or to some act of conscience- when in reality, they do not want to admit that they feel a certain way. They do not want to have to deal with the consequences of their feelings- so they couch them in religious terms. They say that this or that doesn't seem right- I feel like the Spirit is telling me something. I do not for a second think that the Spirit will not guide you and even prompt you, but I also do not think it is wise to blame God for things that you yourself do and feel.
Since I am on a break, I will have to leave it at that for now.

A Few Days Off

So with finals bearing down, I will not be able to write much for a few days. Just thought I would let all my fans know that I will return- and I will continue to provide you with the joy of writing you have come to expect..

On The Road Again

Having started riding my bike again recently, I thought I would offer a friendly reminder to all the cyclists out there. Remember to lube your chain. If you are using the dry-lube (which attracts less dirt), you need to lube your bike chain every two or three days. If you do not think you can remember to do this that often, you should switch to a more traditional lubricant- because a dry chain is bad no matter what. Remember that. There is always a best way to do things for a given activity- but lube it up no matter what (even if all you have is wd-40).

A Prayer

Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ to the left of me, Christ to the right of me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ inside me.

Father, who hath made me and all the heavens and the earth besides, who hath brought me into being when I was naught, who hath raised the mountains from the earth and raised your son from the grave, to you oh holy one I come now in prayer. Let the light of your word make way for the work of your spirit to work in me that which I cannot work in myself. Let the voice of your word be set in my heart- make me to stand fast, oh Lord. May my heart be as you would that it be. May my mind think thoughts after your thoughts. May the whole of who I am be submitted to you. Thank you, oh Lord, for your loving kindness towards me, your humble servant. I lift my voice with all of the church to praise your name forever.

I love You Deep Upon The Dirt Where You Have Laid Me Low

I set my heart to love you
And set my will to the task
With my actions and not my words
So that when the time came to ask

The words would not be hollow
And the words would not be cheap
That those three words might fill your soul
And bring love to you down deep.

But all my heart's love is vacant
For you have left so soon
And counted cheap my very being
That you once made to swoon.

You have despised my love for you
And thrown it in the dirt
And every time I see you know
I only feel the hurt.

Why is the answer to run away?
Why is the answer to leave?
Why is my heart so cheap to you?
And where is my reprieve?

I can't believe you're going now
Just as my heart awakes
With all the love and charity
For you beloved sake.

So soon you will have laid me low
So soon the dam will break
And in the flood that follows then
The earth itself will shake.

The pieces of my broken heart
Will be to small to see
So soon I will be overcome
By what you have done to me.

Do not think that it's ok
Or that I will be unchanged
My love for you was deep and wide
And you cared not for me.

You know that actions speak quite loud
And words so soft they pass you by
And now that you have left me here
I would wait to die.

But life itself is not so cheap
And though the valley be this deep
Still will I lift my hands up high
And shout His praises to the sky.

May the Lord who made us both
Speak to the pain so wrought in you
And heal your every wound sweet child
And cover you with the morning dew.

I love you and it breaks my heart
I wish you would not go
You throw me down- it's no small thing
Yet who am I to know?



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