Expectations (#4)

I just feel so finite sometimes
So beyond my little self that
All I do and strive and try
Is just a dry fiction-
But I don't think it's that funny.
And all the things that I never wanted from you
You will never give to me
And all the things I think I need
I really never had at all
Which makes one wonder on the term-

need.

What just what do you think?
What did I really want from you?
And what was so repulsive,
That you just had to leave?

Maybe in the still cool light
Of those dawns when we still cared
And all our dreams were tangled there
Entwined together for awhile-
Maybe then i didn't ask
For enough to make you stay
And you thought my contentment
Was just a lack of real desire.

And now when people think to say,
"you should move yourself along,"
I know that that is crazy talk
For I cannot move myself along
And no one does and no one has
And all the lies we tell ourselves
Make us think we tell the truth
When we lie to each other.

I did not expect enough-
Perhaps that was the problem there
But deep inside I know the truth
That you just didn't love me.

So every explanation made
To ease my burdened heavy spirit
Is all a maddened sophist game
And I the only player here
Tell me now just what you think,
Tell me anything.