Way down in the valley. I ran down here. Sometimes I think I'm afraid to be up high. Sometimes I think I hide in prison because freedom terrifies me. Way down in the valley. That's what we used to sing when we marched. I am truly sorry. But feelings do not reality make. Falling.

Lord how could it be? The night is long and dark. I cannot see. I do not hear your voice. What way out?

For That Birth

And then it broke one final time
And all was lost in dirt and grime
And on the earth was broken glass
And through the gate I could not pass.

Dark times inside that make me wail
And dream of life beyond the veil
The list of woes I brought in here
Is capped about with angry fear.

The Paralyzed are now my kin
And I can't seem to make it in
And stuck in pieces on the earth
I wait again for that birth.

Sometimes...

Sometimes things are not as you wish they were. It can be trying. You lose one too many battles- or just lose a choice battle that was particularly devastating and life can seem overwhelming. It can feel just like failure is what you were made for. Perhaps you really were made to be a warning to others and all you can think is:

"But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, “Why have you made me like this?" (Romans 9:20 ESV)

Question

Are there problems without answers?

New Season

It is time for a change. A new season is about to begin. This season is, of course, winter. I will be blogging again. It will not, however, be the same. As such I will soon cease the re-publishing on Facebook. If anyone is interested they will have to visit the actual blog site which is www.warwithself.blogspot.com

Here's to hope (glass raised).

Dear Reader,

I wonder sometimes. Will I make it? Probably not. Death to the bad and onward we go. Cheers.

A Long Experiment

So I have been having a lovely break from blogging and there are no promises that I will really start back up again. So in case I don't I thought I should just say thank you to all of my readers. The two of you were such an encouragement (drum fill, symbol clash). Cheers.

The weight is such a burden
And all the world it aches
and groans for its redemption
it trembles and it shakes.

The light it seems so weak
Just a sliver in the dark
A tiny shaft cut through the night
and such a tiny spark.

We cry in silence to our gods
And here we see the best
It comes to naught and we are left
With nothing but this test.

The World Slips By

The world slips by
I can feel it fall through my fingers like tiny grains of sand
The night moves on
And now is come like the brightest sun
All in my dreams are safe for a time
But great things begin to stir
And terrible consequences brew and bubble
The world will soon be on fire
and not just in my dreams...

A Break In The Shooting

The shooting stopped days ago
Must be wounded good
but where are you progenitor?
And why should I have stood?

The last round hit me bad old man
Did it shake your grave?
Did you weep and cry for me?
To see me misbehave?

You'd think I'd been done feeling this
And long ago done trying
But all the world's awash in this
And all my heart's for crying.

Case of the Mondays

I know what you are thinking... and we are all glad that Brazil has babies AND access to the internet.

Paddle In The Water

Sometimes things are as they seem. You think they are terrible because they really are. You feel they are great because, hey, they are actually great.

Do you ever wonder why you wonder about why you might think otherwise?

The Real

The real weighs like lead
And sometimes it really is gold
And always I hear it screaming
And always it makes me feel old.

The real is why I run
The real is why I stay
The real is why I weep
And why it turned out this way.

Hiding makes for nothing
But prisons in the mind
And all the real I would avoid
One day I know I'll find...

YouTube Is Just So Wonderful

Quote of the Week XL

Needless to say, this behavior was not only entirely predictable, it was predicted by many on both sides of the test standards issue. Personally, I don't care either way. As far as I'm concerned, attempting to fine-tune mass public education through technical measures falls well into the lipstick-on-a-pig category. (-Vox Day)

"I would rather feel contrition than know the definition thereof." - Thomas a Kempis
from chapter 1 of the first book in "Of The Imitation of Christ"

How many things do I know of that I do not practice? How much condemnation am I in danger of falling under?

I know many definitions- but do I live many of them? I think not. My mind and heart and spirit are not always in accord. I am weary with learning because I am slow to do.

If I was faithful to even a quarter of the knowledge I had...

So many vanities...

My heart breaks a thousand times
And then a thousand more
I wish that I could see my dream
And walk upon that shore.

Thou long afflicted by your sin
Come with me to sing this song
Gird your loins and lift your voice
The day is nigh; the night is long.


Though thou wish for brighter days
They come not at thy beck and call
And now we sing in darkest night
And under stars we beat the wall.

Sometimes and for a moment...

I imagine sometimes a place where things make sense and all the flowers bloom- the piano plays and the drinks are smooth... And all my fears do not make me alone. The life flows deep and so do I. Rythms are not foreign; they are inside me.

A place that I have not ruined. A place that is not dead. And all the tears are wiped away. Every single tear.

I imagine a place that is not here. And sometimes I wish it were now.

Some days are like fire
Some days are like bliss
Some days are heavy
And some like a kiss

I cannot imagine
when I am alone
how I will make it
And what will be done.

Some pains are fire
and some pains are bliss
some pains are heavy
and some like a kiss...

Be at rest
Find peace my soul
Take all the pieces to the whole
Bind them up and make them sing
Let the dead to life us bring

You have fallen very far
And all the death and weakness choke
And though you cannot see the sun
Listen to the one who spoke

Be at rest
Find peace my soul
Though you hear the darkest song
Be at rest
Find peace my soul
Though it seems forever long
Be at rest
Find peace my soul
Listen to your maker's voice
Be at rest
Find peace my soul
Be at rest.

Quote of the Week XXXVIV

...what if I had? What if this wasn't happening? What if I had made it better? And then what happens in a situation like that is that you get so wrapped up in it that you have to come back to the reality of the grief. You tell yourself a story and all of a sudden you have to remember that it's not true. (Joss Wedon, Concerning the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode "The Body")

Blessings are made with blood
And peace is brought by sword
And Lions rip off scaly flesh
To bring us back to life.

Men are made with fire
And chiseled hard with steel
The way to life is dire
And many fall away.

The greatest praise I save for thee-
The one who breaks my bones
The one who brings me to the thick
And drags me through the fight.

So much so soon
And grey is here
And all we hate
We soon hold dear.

I wonder how the day will end
And know I do not have the strength
And so I turn another bend
And look outside to see.

I miss the things that held me most
And hate the missing in my heart
And fear the road that travels strait
And wonder if I'll make it far.

Day by day I take this time
Not too far might I see
Day by day I pray to you
Please, oh please make me be.

Dr. Horrible says:

"Sometimes there is a third even deeper layer that is just like the first..."

Hope

Hope is found in surprising places. We do not often see it coming. It is good to hope. I would like to hope more. Hope is not something you can create. Let us look to the one who can can create it.

Quote of the Week XXXVIII

Thus men, extending their inquiries beyond their capacities, and letting their thoughts wander into those depths where they can find no sure footing, it is no wonder that they raise questions and multiply disputes, which, never coming to any clear resolution, are proper only to continue and increase their doubts, and to confirm them at last in perfect scepticism. (John Locke, An Essay Concerning Humane Understanding)

Theodicy

Voddie Baucham "If God is so powerful and so Good, why do bad things happen?"



He is so right on that I don't even know where to begin.

Trust

I remember a time when I trusted the Lord more than I trusted anyone else. I remember a time when I did not trust Him hardly at all. The thing that gets me, is that He actually goes out of His way (so to speak) to periodically remind me that I can and should trust Him. Clearly He does not owe me any sort of further proof of His trustworthyness. There is no reason for me to doubt Him. Yet His mercy endures. He is patient. He leads me by the hand. He guards and protects me. It is something truly remarkable to trust someone. Let me put my trust where it belongs.

Trial Part III

...

Sometimes I am amazed at the compassion of my Lord. Sometimes there is so much to think about and so little to say...

To My Love V

I am for your liberty
And I desire that you be free
And all the world I wish for you
And pray that all your loves be true.

I imagine you to be
In a place where I can't see
And I wish that I would never do
Terrible hurtful things to you.

I imagine that won't be
Unless you never actually see
Me in all my favourite things
Me at all and what that brings.

But what if it is stuck in you?
That need for me like I need you
And though I seem a helpless case
Still you must needs see my face...

All above I pray for you
And trust that our King will see you through
And though in life we may never meet
Still my heart it skips a beat.

And though the thought that I might see
Makes me feel eternity
Still I wonder at the dream
And wonder at just how it seems.

Be well my love until the end
Be well my love around the bend
And all the parts you cannot see
Trust in Him to be with me.

Pancakes and Coffee

Some mornings, when you really do not know what to do with yourself, an opportunity presents itself (as the common phrase in English goes). Other times you just have pancakes and sip your coffee.

This morning I am sipping my coffee (the pancakes were fine, if you really must know). So I will get ready to go and do... well, I guess I'll go to work and wait, as it were. And in times like this I find that Jesus is what I really want. I wish it did not take times like this to remind me that Jesus is all I really want.

I do not want answers as much as I want Jesus. I do not want a way out- I want a way in. I do not want the pain to stop- I want to feel the presence of God. When times are desperate I do not want my life to go on- I want my spirit to be at peace with Jesus. There is only this King Jesus and He has made the world and He will cover it with fire. He has come as a man to die and He will return with a Sword in His mouth to Judge as God.

Sometimes things present themselves. Other times we have pancakes and coffee. At all times Jesus is Lord.

Quote of the Week XXXVII

I am a ghost... I entered the eighteenth circle of hell a long time ago. ("Number Four" from the film Broken Trail, after she was raped the first time in the film)

Begging your pardon...

My apologies for the long unexplained absence. I have been elsewhere than norm and have had a somewhat finicky internet connection. I hope to resume by early next week- if not sooner.

Quote of the Week XXXVI

"Love isn't brains, children, it's blood -- blood screaming inside you to work its will... (Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer "Lover's Walk" Season 3)

Trial 2

We Are Not What We Will Be (to the Christian)

We know that we are not what we will be, but that God is purifying a Bride for Christ- - right this minute, in each of you—in order to perfect us on that Great and Glorious Day when Jesus shall return for his people (Eph. 5:25ff; cf. Phil. 3:12-21). (The Wrath of God: An Encouragement for His People and A Warning to His Enemies Charles R. Biggs)

I look forward to transformation even though I know that it is often a painful process. I take great comfort in the thought that I am not what I will be. We all want to change something about ourselves. We have all tried to change something and failed. The hope I have for change is not in presidents or rifles... it is in Jesus.

No one is like Him; yet we are made like Him. No one can see Him; yet our eyes are opened to see Him. Everyone is deaf; yet our ears are opened to hear the sound of His voice. We are His sheep. The church is His bride. We have been brought into the Church (if indeed we are in Him). We are His people.

Praise God for what He is doing in us. We are not what we will be.

Quote of the Week XXXV

I must not fear; fear is the mind-killer... (Frank Herbert, from Dune

"Christmas Eve" ... a Silent Night

I began the delayed Christmas celebration this evening. It is amazing the effect that being surrounded by people you love and who love you has on you. I feel like I should say something... but for once, my heart is still.

Quote of the Week XXXIV

“Since our hearts cannot, in God’s mercy, either seize upon life ardently enough or accept it with the gratefulness we owe, unless our minds are first struck and overwhelmed by fear of God’s wrath and by dread of eternal death, we are taught by Scripture to perceive apart from Christ, God is, so to speak, hostile to us, and his hand is armed for destruction; to embrace his benevolence and fatherly love in Christ alone” ("Institutes of the Christian Religion II.XVI.ii)

Christmas

I wish you all a merry Christmas. Cheers.

Christmas Eve

I have never been comfortable with holidays... never been psyched about gifts- perhaps something in me was broken long ago and remains unrepaired- perhaps not. Regardless of why, the holidays have always made me feel terrible. We rarely ever treat the days as holy- and I hardly understood what that even meant.

It's not that I have not gotten gifts that I treasure more than words can describe- I was just playing an acoustic guitar, in fact, and it reminds me of certain people every time I play it. I like that. It is not that I have not enjoyed giving gifts on occasion- sometimes they are well received and enjoyed. Who doesn't enjoy making someone's day and doing good to them? But still I always feel awkward on Christmas.

When people give me nice gifts I often feel obligated rather than over-joyed. And I hardly feel worth the effort (and that particular feeling has little to do with reality- it just is). And of course it is worse if you cannot give them what you perceive as an equal gift.

On this eve of a certain holiday I brace myself for awkwardness and regret. I will not likely feel closer to Jesus when it is over. But that is not so important- what is important is will I be closer to Jesus when it is over.

God of Wrath Our Beautiful Savior

Oh beautiful Saviour
Thou long-expected God of wrath
We long for you our God
The real and whole divinity.

We do not seek to make
A false and soothing deity
But wait upon your light
Shine upon your people oh Lord.

With a sword in your mouth
And a robe soon dipped in their blood
Let us watch and wait now
Come now long-expected Jesus.

When the Heart Rules

I find that sometimes when I'm the loneliest... I do the stupidest things. It is amazing how fast one can become so very very weak...

I remember Tim Johnson speaking at my high school graduation telling everyone to follow their hearts... I have listened to that little piece of advice. It has gotten me to some great places... and some terrible ones. The heart is deceitful above all things. I am not really sure why I thought it would be a good idea to take that little tidbit seriously... alas, now we are here.

God gave us all hearts and we should not ignore them. That does not mean, however that our feelings should rule us.

On Mercy

The Lord is faithful when we are not. This is a sobering thought. It makes me afraid mostly. I mean, how is it that one is supposed to respond to the suspension of justice in the world? I think fear is appropriate. Mercy is a powerful thing. The whole bit about explaining away "the fear of the Lord" as something less than fear not only is terribly wrong- but it also allows us all to continue in all sorts of evil- both evil done to us, and evil we do.

Justice, however, is not really suspended, is it... that is why Jesus was crucified. How quickly we forget. Let us not forget that when the consequences of our actions are withheld for a time. Jesus really did pay a price... and there really will be a judgment.

Desire = ?

Have you ever felt disqualified for something that you really wanted? You know, something deep-seated and burning... something you did not want to let go of. When I think things like that I do sometimes wonder if I have a right to think that just because I have the desire that it is ok for me to pursue whatever it is that I want.

There are plenty of good things in life that would be bad for some people to do under some circumstances. I wonder sometimes at the things I was taught when I was young. People would tell me things like, "the world is your oyster- you can be anything you want to be." Well that was just not true- I can want vocations that I have no aptitude for. I wanted to be a fighter-jet pilot. I've had glasses as long as I can remember and I can't always read the coffee menu if I'm at the back of the line (and wearing my glasses). I cannot be anything I want to be. I cannot have anything I want to have just because I desire it. I cannot go anywhere I want to go. Life has never been like that. It is not looking like life will be like that anytime soon.

So what do you do when you really want something but you are not sure it is ok for you to have it?

Lamentations 3:22,23

22 The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;[a]
his mercies never come to an end;
23they are new every morning;
(C) great is your faithfulness.(Lamentations 3:22,23 ESV)

A Pause

I woke early this morning. This is something I do not do very often (It was before five in the morning). I put on some clothes, put some left-over pizza in the oven to heat up, and went outside to start the car to let it warm up.

It was so serenely beautiful outside at five in the morning. It was dark- but not pitch black, because of all the snow. It was warm (for the area, anyways). There was a light dusting of snow all around and in the air- and it was quiet. A peaceful, beautiful, wonder-inspiring stillness that shakes the soul. I looked over to see the mountains that were hiding in the clouds like ghosts so very far away. I couldn't see them, but I knew they were there and I smiled.

I just had to sing a quiet song to Jesus.

Patience...

"Patience is a virtue," that is what they used to tell us. The quicker ones realized that the only way to gain patience was to have your patience tried. Not many of us had a real strong desire for that sort of experience.

As things try my patience these days I remember what my friends and I were told as children. It is hard having your patience tried. It is hard to think of the fruit that God will produce when you are undergoing trial. I am reminded of this passage in James:

12(U) Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive(V) the crown of life,(W) which God has promised to those who love him. 13Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am being tempted by God," for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. 14But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. 15Then desire(X) when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and(Y) sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.

Am I patient under trial? I pray the Lord to lead me.

In Brief, Daydreams

Have you ever had a really depressing day dream? You know you are just sort of sitting around doing nothing and your mind starts to wander and you begin to imagine something... but then it all ends badly. I find it odd sometimes how I can work myself into an emotional state just by day-dreaming. I think that sometimes when you are thinking of dark things you find yourself in a dark place without ever traveling.

I am not a fan of positive thinking, however. Pretending is not how you make things better... but why is it that pretending can make things feel so much worse?

Quote of the Week XXXIII

What the hand is to the lute,
What the breath is to the flute,
What is fragrance to the smell,
What the spring is to the well,
What the flower is to the bee,
That is Jesus Christ to me.

What's the mother to the child,
What the guide in pathless wild,
What is oil to troubled wave,
What is ransom to the slave,
What is water to the sea,
That is Jesus Christ to me.
- C.H. Spurgeon

Trial- a Sermon Series (Part 1)

If the video is giving you trouble or you simply just want to listen to the audio on your mp3 player- click here or on the post title. For future sermons in this series just click on the post title and it will take you to a page where you can download the audio-only. Cheers.

Hanukkah

I just came from a bit of a Hanukkah ceremony. It was not at a jewish home and we did our jelly doughnuts were not fried- but we did tell the story, light the first candle and answer the children's questions. I love ceremonies that teach you things about God and give children another time to ask questions which gives adults time to pass on what was passed on to them. It really can be quite beautiful. In fact, rather than having an aversion to religious tradition... I actually have a deep love for it. I practice the faith that was handed down to me by faithful men. They received it from faithful men. And this gives us all a connection to our past. This connection leads us all the way back to Jesus' incarnation. Christians did not come from nowhere and they are not going nowhere. We pass on what was passed on to us. So I have to say that I really appreciate Hanukkah. God has provided for His people in the past and He will provide for me today. To Him alone be the glory.

Au Revoir Guy

Guy Lacelle has died in an avalanche in Hyalite Canyon during the Bozeman Ice Festival. He will be sorely missed.

Rock and Ice Magazine: Guy Lacelle Dies

Rock and Ice Magazine: Guy Lacelle Dies

Providence

I'm always amazed at the timing of things. You know sometimes things just go south when you thought they couldn't get any worse. And sometimes they just turn around in a day when you thought there was no real hope. Sometimes the things you thought would be best turn out to be a nightmare. Sometimes you see the worst things in your life bear fruit for God. In all things, He has perfect timing.

As Night Follows Day

I was reading the Prayer Book Society of America's blog when I stumbled upon this essay:

Article reprinted from Cross†Way Issue Autumn 2009 No. 114
(C)opyright Church Society; material may be used for non-profit purposes provided that the source is acknowledged and the text is not altered.
AS NIGHT FOLLOWS DAY?
By David Phillips

My personal tutor at theological college was Michael Vasey. Michael was, I believe, opposed to the ordination of women as presbyters (priests). But when the General Synod voted in favour of this he is reported to have said that if the Church could do so despite the teaching of Scripture then it must follow that it could not object to homosexual practice. Accordingly in his book ‘Strangers and Friends’ published three years later he set out to argue from Scripture that the Church should
change its mind.

In a similar vein in 2003 the then Bishop of Oxford, Richard Harries, argued in an article in the Daily Telegraph that “The Church has got it wrong in the past - there's no doubt about it. I think you can take the view that, just as the Church eventually abolished slavery, so they ended up in favour of votes for women, so they voted for the ordination of women, and this is just one more issue where the Church has got it wrong.” His argument was that the Church had got it wrong on homosexual conduct.

There are many who sincerely believe that it is right for the Church to ordain women as presbyters, and wrong for it to endorse homosexual practice. Although some have argued this distinction forcefully I am convinced that the acceptance of one almost inevitably leads to the acceptance of the other. Some will find this conclusion offensive but I find it rather obvious.

The same argument?
First then, are the cases different? Some argue that the ordination of women is a ‘second order’ issue because it concerns church order whilst sexual conduct is a ‘first order’ issue because it concerns salvation. I am far from comfortable with this distinction because I believe that the ordination of women as presbyters is contrary to Scripture and I am not willing to suggest that it is therefore unimportant or less important. Nevertheless, I do think many see the two issues as
differing in degree. The distinction of first and second order is also not shared by those in favour of both. They see both as fundamental matters of justice and of the openness of the gospel. They therefore consider both to be first order issues and they are not going to rest having achieved one without achieving the other.

Some do argue the case as to why the Bible supports one and not the other, but I find the arguments badly lacking. I simply cannot see that the passages to which they plead actually support what they claim. For example some use the long list of women who are engaged in the Lord’s work in Scripture to claim that women should be involved in the Lord’s work, but none of these roles are as presbyters. The jump to say that they should be presbyters, when the Bible itself confines it to men
is unwarranted.

Others sadly seem to set up a straw man. They argue as if only Anglo-Catholics are against women priests and because Anglo-Catholics have a defective view of ministry then the opposition to women as presbyters must be wrong. This conveniently but disingenuously ignores the fact that evangelicals argue from Scripture that women should not be presbyters. It is also unfair to Anglo- Catholics many of whom do also argue from Scripture that women should not be presbyters (priests).

But is it fair to argue that the acceptance of one will lead to the acceptance of the other? What grounds are there for asserting this?

First, there are the facts of history. There are now too many cases to ignore – national denominations which have embraced the ordination of women which then went on to embrace homosexual practice. The Evangelical Lutheran Church of the US is the most recent casualty which in August voted to permit sexual immorality amongst its clergy.

Secondly, the shift seems inevitable because unbiblical innovation necessarily leads to division. When pretty much all of Christendom has been united in saying that the Bible says one thing and then people start arguing that it says something different there are bound to be some who disagree. Some inevitably will feel unable to remain when a Church seeks to legitimise what they believe to be error. It is well known that more than 20 members of the General Synod left the Church of England after the 1992 decision to ordain women as priests. In total more than 500 clergy left although some later returned and a few may have used it as an excuse to get out with compensation. There were not a few members of Church Society among them. What was left was therefore weaker and more liberal. The same things happened years ago in the US Episcopal Church. Indeed most of the protestant, reformed, evangelicals left a generation or more ago often turning to Presbyterianism. Things are different in the Church of England because it is our national and established church so fewer people have left over recent decades but the general point is valid, the ordination of women in the Church of England has weakened the ‘conservative’ voice. Furthermore, the women so appointed are more likely to be liberal because a woman who accepts the classical evangelical or Anglo-Catholic position is not going to seek such a role.

Thirdly, the pressure from outside the Church increases. My experience, and I think that of others too, is that it is often outsiders who spot the flaws in our cherished ideas. Media interviewers are particularly good at this. Some in the church have elaborate arguments as to why Scripture does not say what it appears, but interviewers cannot see how this differs from arguments about sexual conduct, they are quick to see the gaps and pounce. In contrast when we stick doggedly with what the Bible actually teaches they may think we are mad (though they don’t usually say so on air) but they also see that we are being consistent. Moreover, they can see that whatever else might be said Christians through history have held both issues to be wrong.

Fourthly, as Michael Vasey demonstrates, evangelicals are not immune to misreading Scripture in order to conform to their own desires or to the spirit of the age. There are increasing numbers of people claiming to be evangelical who are arguing publicly that the Bible has been misunderstood and it really supports homosexual conduct. Whatever the details we have seen an apparent instance of this over the summer. A Vicar of a church in Chelmsford Diocese who after only a few months left his apparently evangelical parish after the uproar when he preached that homosexual practice is wrong. Likewise when Jeffrey John was appointed as Dean of St. Albans we found that some who claimed to be evangelical were not only unconcerned but apparently welcoming of the fact that he teaches that homosexual practice is acceptable. For myself I think the matter is so clear that anyone who can read the Bible as permitting such sin is not an evangelical because they have a distorted
way of approaching Scripture.

Fifthly, the nature of the arguments used in favour of both are disturbingly similar. I have already mentioned the trumpeting of justice and equality. It ought to be sufficient to say that it cannot be just to encourage people to disobey the Word of the Lord, but apparently our ideas of justice trump His. Others argued that the ordination of women is a ‘gospel imperative’ and in the last few weeks this has been articulated again amongst the largest of the break-away Anglican churches in the US which now wants to ordain women and so follow the same disastrous route as the body they left. The argument is that without this change the gospel we preach will not be taken seriously. Not only is this nonsense, it suggests that the gospel is not the power of God unto salvation and it is exactly the same argument some use in favour of accepting homosexual practice.

Then there are spurious arguments about words. The interpretation of the word ‘head’ is the most celebrated. People became convinced that ‘head’ did not mean what Christians had previously thought it meant. Indeed I have heard it said that those of us who read it as such are ‘uneducated’. The ‘educated’ view is apparently that there are a couple of readings in ancient Greek where it means something different and therefore these must be the meaning in the Bible. I find it hard to credit that people can take such an argument seriously yet it seemed to sweep all before it. Now we are seeing the same thing with arguments about words in Romans or Leviticus concerning sexual immorality. Many seem convinced that the real sin of Sodom was anything but Sodomy. The arguments can sound clever, even bamboozle people, but they are feeble and so devoid of any real evidence that unless people were obsessed with proving their argument it is hard to see why they would give them any credence, but alas they do.

I believe the same can be said of other arguments. For example it is argued that Mary Magdalene was sent by Jesus to tell the disciples of the resurrection. She was thus sent and so can be called an Apostle (which means one sent). Therefore women can be presbyters. This is a string of non sequiturs; they do not follow logically from one another. Moreover, it ought to be obvious that the argument is wrong because it reaches a conclusion that is contrary to what Scripture actually teaches. If this sort of argument can be allowed it is hardly surprising to find others saying that David and Jonathan were homosexual lovers and therefore homosexual practice is acceptable. The premise is wrong, the logic is wrong and the conclusion is wrong, but who cares so long as we can make the Bible say what we want it to say? The damage has been done because people have been encouraged to mishandle the Word of Truth.

Therefore, recognising that many will be far from pleased with the conclusion, I am forced to say that the acceptance of the presbyteral ministry of women within a Church more or less inevitably leads to the acceptance of homosexual practice. I hope this is not so, but I fear it will be. Nevertheless there is still hope, hope that some will see the mistakes and that enough remain to argue the case. But, if other churches are anything to go by, without the Lord’s intervention the
outlook is bleak.

David Phillips is General Secretary of Church Society

This is interesting. Few evangelicals have made as concerted an effort to maintain unity in the body as the Anglicans. This has lead to some stunningly clear thinking and writing on the issues of morality, the authority of scripture, and (not surprisingly) the unity of the body. Now I agree with David Phillips on these issues. What surprised me, though, is the connection he made between the interpretation of scripture, the ordination of women, and homosexuality. I think that this connection would not have been made so clearly and simply if the Anglicans as a whole had not been making such a strong effort to maintain the unity of the body. In striving to be faithful in one area- light has been poured upon several other areas that might have remained dark in our time. God, again has His way with things.

The One Jesus Who Is Greater Than All

When I wake up in the morning and I do not want to get out of bed... I get up because of Jesus. When the morning makes me want to scream and give up... I drink another cup of coffee and go to work for Jesus. When I can't seem to find the rhythm of the day and everything seems harder than it should be... it is because I did not commune with Jesus. When I fail and do not do what I should, or do what I should not do... I feel miserable because I know that people connect me to Jesus and I have made him look bad. When I succeed and do well or do right... I thank Jesus and I give praise to Jesus because it is His grace that has made it so. When I say harsh or vulgar words, I am ashamed because I know that Jesus has not spoken in vain and His word will stand forever and I am not a perfect man but He is a perfect God. When I am too tired to go on, I pray to Jesus who is the source of all my strength. When I have a question I ask Jesus because He is the truth and a fear of Him is the beginning of all knowledge. When I am in trouble I go to Jesus because he is my deliverer. When I am sick I go to Jesus. When I am healthy I go to Jesus. When I am perplexed I go to Jesus. When I am confident I go to Jesus. When I have money I go to Jesus. When I am poor I go to Jesus. When I see the way I give thanks to Jesus. When I am in the fog I beg for the mercy of Jesus. In all things and in all ways I can only go to Jesus. He is my savior. He is my Lord. He is my rock. He is my Judge. He is my deliverer. Jesus brought me into this world and Jesus will lay me down in the grave that He has chosen and prepared for me. His rebuke is better than all the blessings of mine enemies. His name, the name of Jesus, is greater than all names. No one is like Him. He is the Alpha and the Omega. He is the beginning and the end. He has never left me nor forsaken me- though I was a scoundrel and a shame to His holy name. Let all praise and glory and honour be unto my Lord Jesus. The war I fight, the war with myself, will be won and is being won by Jesus. Amen.

So Many Questions...

Have you ever wondered why the earth was so beautiful? Have you ever looked out at a landscape and thought, "that is just extravigant." Have you ever wondered why there was so much beauty? Sometimes... it seems a bit much.

Some people look out at the earth in front of them and they think, "that is just how things turned out." Other people see something in nature and proclaim (rightly so) there must be a creator! But why is it so shockingly amazing? Why is the world so beautiful? I think this tells us something about the creator... but what exactly?

Trust and Comfort

Sometimes, situations that seem scary, uncomfortable, or otherwise unpleasant can grow to be comfortable. You get used to them. You begin to understand them. You become familiar with them. Things you thought you could never do become old hat.


It's funny the places you can grow comfortable in. I wonder sometimes what kind of places and situations the Lord is molding me to be comfortable in.

Funny Things

A dream is a funny thing. I have a dream. You probably have a dream. Maybe we all have more than one. Who am I to say? Only the Lord and you know that. Sometimes a dream is a source of hope and motivation... sometimes it is more like a Langston Hughes poem.

Dream Deferred

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

-Langston Hughes

Whatever it happens to be, though, a man's dream goes strait to the heart of him. Laugh at his dream and he will never trust you (no matter how polite he is to your face). Despise his dream and he will despise you. Fail to understand that what he speaks of is his dream and you are on dangerous ground. People long for something and by the time that something gets categorized as a dream, it has woven itself around the very soul of a man and it is not safe to crush it.

I pray that God would guide and shape my dreams Himself. Let him place within me what I cannot create in myself.

Waiting for Answers

Have you ever waited for answers for a really long time? Have you ever had a short wait for an answer to something seem like an eternity? Have you ever wondered whether or not you had any reason to expect an answer for some burning question on your heart and mind? Sometimes not knowing seems like the hardest thing you have ever done.

It may make you laugh a little because you are not really doing anything. None the less, waiting for an answer can fray your nerves, test your patience, and drive you to distraction. Yet everyone waits for answers. At some point you cannot search anymore. At some point things are out of your hands. It may be waiting for a doctor or test, it may be that you have to wait for a decision from a friend, or it may be that you are waiting on an answer to prayer from the Lord. Whatever it is, everyone must wait for answers at some point.

Where does knowledge come from, though? How do we obtain it? In all my waiting I am reminded of one thing:

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge;
fools despise wisdom and instruction.-Proverbs 1:7

I was not taught to fear God as a child. He was my buddy. You know, the guy with the thumbs up, pointing and smiling at you. The one who saved you, the one who is your friend. There was no fear. This explains why I know so little- and why waiting is so hard.

This Day

Now I know how it has come
To this and that which has transpired
And though I wish to know still more
I have seen my heart grow tired.

And all that I have longed for here
I find to be far far away
And not within my power to reach
And I cannot quite see the way.

Quote of the Week XXXII

Perhaps in part due to my respect for actual science, I find most scientists to be contemptible.

(Vox Day)

Side Note

I was thinking of posting... but then I became violently ill... war is war. But I do find myself beginning to appreciate the suffering in my life. There are different kinds of suffering and they all have their way with you... Just as God does. He always gets His way. We act like He doesn't sometimes... but that just isn't true. We act like we have rights... we do not fear, and so suffering is lost on us. Let it not be lost on us.

That Really Happened

When I was six months old, I felt awesome... now we know why...

Miscellanies... often worth the time.

Here is a recent example of what you might find on Tony Reinke's blog "Miscellanies:"

On Decision Making

“Proverbs, and the wisdom literature in general, counter the idea that being spiritual means handing all decisions over to the leading of the Lord. The opposite is true. Proverbs reveals that God does not make all people’s decisions for them, but rather expects them to use his gift of reason to interpret the circumstances and events of life within the framework of revelation that he has given. Yet when they have exercised their responsibility in decision-making, they can look back and see that the sovereign God has guided.”

—Graeme Goldsworthy, in the New Dictionary of Biblical Theology (IVP 2000), p. 210. See also Gospel and Wisdom in the Goldsworthy Trilogy.

November 17, 2009 Posted by spurgeon | Graeme Goldsworthy, Proverbs, Wisdom literature | | 5 Comments

I am particularly interested in meditating on the line, "...expects them to use his gift of reason to interpret the circumstances and events of life within the framework of revelation that he has given."

The Thing About Not Helping Is Really That You Are Not Helping

Reading this article from the Boston Globe reminded me of something.

In 2005, when the number of homicides spiked to a 10-year high, 64 had been committed by Thanksgiving and 75 by the end of the year. The following year, there were 68 by the November holiday and 75 for the year. But in 2007, the number began to decline slightly with 63 homicides by Thanksgiving and 66 by year’s end.

Since then, the number of violent crimes - with the exception of rapes - has fallen steadily, a drop Davis said is in large part the result of a reinvestment in strategies that target gangs. Earlier this year, police attributed the rise in rapes to more reporting, rather than an actual increase in assaults. They also noted that the year before had seen far fewer rapes reported, which made the increase seem even more dramatic.

The government and it's employees often seem to think that government is the answer to people's (or society's) problems. And when they try something (such as passing a law, starting an "initiative," or finding other ways to spend taxpayer's money) and it does not work- they often think that more government will fix it. It doesn't, and so they cry different government (which usually just means more government) and they still seem to think that they can fix whatever ills they believe need fixing.

Rarely do they stop and think that something doesn't need fixing. Rarely do they admit that individual persons are responsible for themselves and their actions. Rarely do they admit that they do not have the power or ability to fix a problem (even though they would like to). They just keep doing what they are doing and expect different results.

In Boston, the police and the city act as though they can curb hate in a man's heart. Now I know they can't. You know they can't. And one would like to believe that they know they can't. But they fail to see that the problem which they are facing is not one of bodies- it is one of hatred in a man's heart. They would likely cry that something has to be done and they must be the ones to do it. The thing is, even if they need to do something- they need to realize that fighting the symptoms is not the way to cure a disease. It is not an issue of whether or not the police should respond to murders- of course they should! It is an issue of what works and what is appropriate for them to do in the first place. I am thankful that there have been less murders in Boston this year so far. However, the government is not likely to fix the problem- and if the problem is fixed- it will be highly unlikely that the government will have been the cure (though they will take as much credit as they possibly can, of course).

But why do I mention all this? What does this have to do with the war? What does this have to do with sanctification at all? Here is what I am thinking: what do I do (or what do you do) that does not work at all? What do I do that only gets at the symptoms and not the real cause? What things do I labour to change that I have no business changing- and that I could never change even if I wanted to? In short, how do I behave like the government? That is what I want to know. And that is what you should ask yourself.

Love...

What Happens When the World Runs Out of News?... Apparently this:

It should come as a surprise to no one that the holidays are one of the most taxing and tense times of the year. In fact, the American Psychological Association found in 2008 that eight out of 10 people anticipated a stressful holiday season, largely due to the tanking economy; an older survey showed that 38 percent of people feel their stress levels rise during the holidays, including nearly half of all women. The biggest causes of all this anxiety? Finances come first, says research from Mental Health America, followed by painful memories, too many activities, overindulgence, being alone and relationships.

I am really impressed with the comprehensive nature of this article. It is just so timely and insightful. In fact, I now officially feel prepared for the "holidays," as they call them. Although, they really seem to have taken the holy out of the whole experience. I am just so glad that the Post took the time to publish this article- it is really making a difference in my life. Thanks guys- it means a lot.

Every Tear

In Revelation 21:1-8 it says:

21:1 Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. 2 And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place [1] of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, [2] and God himself will be with them as their God. [3] 4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

5 And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” 6 And he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. 7 The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son. 8 But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.”

I long for that day. Paul Washer has noted that on the day Jesus Returns every thing you wondered about the end-times will be made known to you- but the Gospel will never be fully known, understood, or comprehended. We may think on it a thousand years and still not understand What Jesus has done in its fullness. Truly no one is like Him. All my praises fall short.

Quote of the Week XXXI

Fidèle

Vivant dans un village calme
D'où la route part longue et dure
Pour un lieu de sang et de larmes
Nous sommes purs.

Les nuits sont chaudes et tranquilles
Et nous gardons aux amoureuses
Cette fidélité précieuse
Entre toutes : l'espoir de vivre.

(From "Le Devoir et L'Inquiétude" by Paul Éluard 1917)

The Distance

There often seems to be a distance between our hopes and our realities that stifles our joy and makes for black deathly sentiments deep within our hearts. These feelings can come to seem normal. For those of you who have met with such despair and found a waiting faithful companion I have a small suggestion: think on the person of God... give it some real thought. We worry that we are not as we would be and yet the things we long most for are not things we can provide. The things we wish to change the most are not things we have any power over.

The distance between sometimes tells us of our naive expectations- and sometimes of our low ones. When we feel inadequate... do we consider our maker? The best medicine for frustration, disappointment, and despair is to commune with the one who made us. It is in our best interests to consider Him first. Consider Him in all that has been revealed to you- consider His wrath, His justice, His anger, His vengeance, His holiness- and perhaps when you are afraid of Him, His love, mercy and compassion will be a wonder to you. Then perhaps, when you see yourself in your place... perhaps then your dark thoughts will be something else.

Do Not Wake Me

I dream a dream where all my sins are gone
And every wrong I've ever done does not carry on
And all the pain that I have caused is somehow torn away
And all the wrongs are made right- this I dream today.

I dream a dream where every scar is faint in memory
And every hurt is disappeared and every burden free
And every pain is washed away and all the monsters kept at bay
And all the wrongs are made right- this I dream today.

I dream a dream where life is good
And all my tears are understood
And all my fear is gone away
And all the wrongs are right this day- this I dream in hope.

Kermit Wins

Quote of the Week XXX

Never doubt in the darkness what God has shown you in the light.

(Dr. V. Raymond Edmund)

Quote of the Week XXVIV

The problem with socialists is that eventually they run out of other people's money

(Margaret Thatcher)

Quote of the Week XXVIII

I would rather limp as a man than walk freely as a coward...

- guess who said it.

Holding On

Have you ever found yourself in a bad way of some sort and thought that you just couldn't remain true (as if becoming false would somehow help)? Maybe you are tempted to do something wrong and under other more happy circumstances you might not even be tempted, let alone give in to the temptation. You are not really even likely sure what giving in is supposed to do. If you have been in a situation like this I am sure you have at one time or another given in to some evil in the moment of your trial and you have not remained true. And if you have done this you have likely also found that sometimes if you had just held on a little while longer you would have had a very different perspective on the whole situation. It is funny how we all react to stress sometimes. Perhaps today we should consider not making things worse when they are already bad.

Quote of the Week XXVIII

You've been leaving yourself open for me all day long Bruce Lee. -The Chan Man Ninja

Climbing

Blokey Blokes and Worship Music

Peace and Victory in Context

Peace (in the political sense)is not something that is worth having at any cost- and neither is victory (again in the political sense). It is funny to me that when peace and victory are considered as spiritual goals everything changes. As spiritual goals, these two things are worth much greater risks and losses.

A Brief Comment On Planning and Living

There are many days when the battle is not out in the open. Sometimes, it is just the temptation to go to the other side to try and get what you want. It is different when you discover what it is you actually want- sometimes a lot better, sometimes far worse...

Each day has it's own challenges. Sometimes they are one kind of thing, sometimes they are another. To say that you should make good plans does not mean that you should not exist where you are when you are. Planning does not consist of fitting two day's problems into a single day. It is enough to take the problem of this day and commit it to one who can do far better than you... Jesus did once say that tomorrow would worry about itself.

Quote of the Week XXVII

When death was new to me and I woke each day to the shock of its reality, I wanted nothing more than to claw my way back into sleep and my dreams, where there wasn't a pit of fear in my stomach and a heavy weight on my chest. I needed to breathe deeply, but it felt as though the air was rare and thin. I wanted only to stay in bed and cry, and when I looked around our bedroom and saw his things, ghostly images of Alex filled my mind, doing mundane things like pawing through a dresser drawer, looking for a sock.

(Jennifer Lowe-Anker. Forget Me Not: a memoir. The Mountaineers Books; Seattle: 2008.)

Still...

I dream of you without a face
And every time I lose the thread
And I realize something hard to take
I just don't know who you are.

Sometimes the sun is shining bright
And all the sky seems blue
And still I cannot take a step
Still I dream of you.

I don't know if I'll see you there
But maybe I hope I will
And maybe that's why I hate it here
I hate it here still.

Quote of the Week XXVI

I'm like Bob Ross with keys. - Corey

On Understanding, in Brief

Sometimes people confuse excuses with reasons. Sometimes well meaning friends suggest that searching for the reasons or the cause of something is akin to abdicating your responsibility for a particular action. Sometimes your friends are right.

I am sure that many of us have been "stuck" doing something wrong over and over again. The sin has become a habit or a refuge. It may be something quasi-secret, it may not. Either way I am sure that we sometimes seek to know why we do something, and in seeking to understand, we avoid dealing with our sin first. It is as if we think we have to understand things before we can obey. And sometimes we act as though we are entitled to certain knowledge...

I would suggest that perhaps obedience should come before understanding more and more as you grow in your faith in Jesus Christ. I think that it can become a trust issue. Do I trust that God is right? Do I trust that God knows best? Do I trust that God knows and cares about me? Do I trust that His law is not arbitrary?

I do not wish to stop anyone from seeking understanding, however. In your pressing for trust in God Himself, do not stop seeking for answers. Do not stop trying to understand how you got where you are (the good places and the bad). Only, do not let your search become an excuse to continue sinning. "Lord I believe; help me with my unbelief."

Decisions

Sometimes we are faced with a choice between doing a good thing and not doing a good thing. Sometimes we find this decision to be difficult because the reasons for not doing the good thing are a good. When you want to do the best sometimes you must abstain from a good thing and other times you must risk a good thing. We see darkly now- and often sin in ignorance. In a time to come, however, we will see plainly and certain decisions will become much easier. As life is not about ease, our current predicament should not be cause for dismay. I long to lean not on my own understanding...

Why

We often wonder why things happen, don't we? Or we wonder why things are the way they are (or appear to be). People go through life with a very strong inability to trust when they do not understand (which is not really much trust at all). With each other we demand why's all the time- like some sort of pathological disease. People always seem to want to know why. Why did you not call me yesterday? Why did you say that in front of those people? Why didn't you do that thing I asked you to? It goes on and on and on. You really have to wonder, though- when we ask the question, do we want the answer? If we get the answer, are we expecting it to change something inside of us (how we feel, perhaps)?

People do the same thing with God. Why did you let my beloved die? Why did you not stop that earthquake? Why did you make me handicapped? Why don't you visibly show yourself to everyone? And if a person does not get the answer they are looking for- they get furious. At that point, reason does not begin- it exits the building entirely. If I don't understand why- you must not exist. If I do not understand why- you must not care. If I don't understand why- you must be a monster! This is how it goes (at least in our culture) over and over and over again.

But I have to wonder if we really want to know why God does what He does. I have to wonder if we knew if it would really change how we feel. I have to wonder if knowing why is really what people are after. I doubt it is what they need in many situations- but I begin to wonder if they really even want it...

All of us have questions we do not know the answers to. I think that maybe we should think a little bit about why we are asking the questions we do in the first place.

To Be As Blind

When things have gone wrong for so long that you do not remember right... sometimes you are as blind to the good you do and receive that is all around you right now. Sometimes you see so much bad you begin to think that bad is all there is. Sometimes you think you have sinned so much that it is just part of who you really are. Sometimes those around you have sinned so much you begin to think that this life has no joys and was not made for such happy things. There are some problems with thinking like this.

When you are in such a state you miss what God has put right there in front of you and inside of you. And, when you view life as suffering you may lose sight of the purpose of suffering that God has intended, as though it were without benefit. Both of these views do not comport with the truth.

May the Lord have mercy upon the downtrodden. Who else will lift them up?

On Commitment

Some battles take longer than others. Commitment is tested when you cannot see the end of the war. Commitment and ability are two different things, however. One's commitment is not enough to say, change the orbit of the moon around the earth. Commitment is often required for a prolonged conflict, it is necessary- but never sufficient. The battle will often belong to those with something other than commitment. It is good to be committed to a good cause- it is not, however, good enough to be committed to a good cause. If the Lord does not build it...

You know it's hard to find the connection between the dots when you do not believe there is one.

Quote of the Week XXV

You are responsible for the man you are- not the man people say you are.

(Luther Cox)

Two Things...

When considering the "problem" of evil, I rarely hear people discuss the evil in their own hearts. When people ask how God could allow this and that atrocity, I rarely hear anyone ask how God could forgive a man. It is interesting that the thrust of the problem of evil is not mainly a strong philosophical argument but rather a deep emotional unreasoned gut reaction. No one who champions the "problem" wants to deal with their own evil or God's forgiveness. I am, of course, open to correction if someone knows of something I have missed. Consistency is an uncomfortable thing.

Goodbye Johnny

Goodbye Johnny I never knew you
And I guess I never will
Goodbye Johnny I never met you
And my heart has grown quite still
Death comes easy, always, and often
Living is hard, uncertain, and rare
Goodbye Johnny the world keeps spinning
And we don't pretend to know it's fair.

"Having never known..."

"Having never known the man I really couldn't say.
And all the wishing, poorer still
Never the less I feel it impinging upon my sensibilities
And am all the more distressed for that which I cannot affect.

If it were another way
And I could perform some great feat-
but alas, such is not available to me,
And it is only this way here.

Knowing the evil in my heart
And how great a weakness lives within me
I am at a loss as to how to proceed,
The mercies of God are all that remain for me."

And who hasn't felt a kindred pang for such sentiment as this?

A Certain Thing.

Dying is the gift she would not have
And though it was the best of gifts
And every thing she wanted was laid therein
She could not bear to receive it then.

Living was the hardest thing
And though she did not want it at all
And though she wanted nothing less
She could not bear the experience then.

Believing was the simple part
In a certain way at least
It all made so much sense to her
And alternatives were poor at best then.

Trusting was another thing
And was what she could not begin
To do herself within herself
To conquer all that shame and sin.

But then there was this certain thing
This thing she could not ignore
And a thing it was so unreal to her
But she so very much just wanted more.