Quote of the Week XXVIII

You've been leaving yourself open for me all day long Bruce Lee. -The Chan Man Ninja

Climbing

Blokey Blokes and Worship Music

Peace and Victory in Context

Peace (in the political sense)is not something that is worth having at any cost- and neither is victory (again in the political sense). It is funny to me that when peace and victory are considered as spiritual goals everything changes. As spiritual goals, these two things are worth much greater risks and losses.

A Brief Comment On Planning and Living

There are many days when the battle is not out in the open. Sometimes, it is just the temptation to go to the other side to try and get what you want. It is different when you discover what it is you actually want- sometimes a lot better, sometimes far worse...

Each day has it's own challenges. Sometimes they are one kind of thing, sometimes they are another. To say that you should make good plans does not mean that you should not exist where you are when you are. Planning does not consist of fitting two day's problems into a single day. It is enough to take the problem of this day and commit it to one who can do far better than you... Jesus did once say that tomorrow would worry about itself.

Quote of the Week XXVII

When death was new to me and I woke each day to the shock of its reality, I wanted nothing more than to claw my way back into sleep and my dreams, where there wasn't a pit of fear in my stomach and a heavy weight on my chest. I needed to breathe deeply, but it felt as though the air was rare and thin. I wanted only to stay in bed and cry, and when I looked around our bedroom and saw his things, ghostly images of Alex filled my mind, doing mundane things like pawing through a dresser drawer, looking for a sock.

(Jennifer Lowe-Anker. Forget Me Not: a memoir. The Mountaineers Books; Seattle: 2008.)

Still...

I dream of you without a face
And every time I lose the thread
And I realize something hard to take
I just don't know who you are.

Sometimes the sun is shining bright
And all the sky seems blue
And still I cannot take a step
Still I dream of you.

I don't know if I'll see you there
But maybe I hope I will
And maybe that's why I hate it here
I hate it here still.

Quote of the Week XXVI

I'm like Bob Ross with keys. - Corey

On Understanding, in Brief

Sometimes people confuse excuses with reasons. Sometimes well meaning friends suggest that searching for the reasons or the cause of something is akin to abdicating your responsibility for a particular action. Sometimes your friends are right.

I am sure that many of us have been "stuck" doing something wrong over and over again. The sin has become a habit or a refuge. It may be something quasi-secret, it may not. Either way I am sure that we sometimes seek to know why we do something, and in seeking to understand, we avoid dealing with our sin first. It is as if we think we have to understand things before we can obey. And sometimes we act as though we are entitled to certain knowledge...

I would suggest that perhaps obedience should come before understanding more and more as you grow in your faith in Jesus Christ. I think that it can become a trust issue. Do I trust that God is right? Do I trust that God knows best? Do I trust that God knows and cares about me? Do I trust that His law is not arbitrary?

I do not wish to stop anyone from seeking understanding, however. In your pressing for trust in God Himself, do not stop seeking for answers. Do not stop trying to understand how you got where you are (the good places and the bad). Only, do not let your search become an excuse to continue sinning. "Lord I believe; help me with my unbelief."

Decisions

Sometimes we are faced with a choice between doing a good thing and not doing a good thing. Sometimes we find this decision to be difficult because the reasons for not doing the good thing are a good. When you want to do the best sometimes you must abstain from a good thing and other times you must risk a good thing. We see darkly now- and often sin in ignorance. In a time to come, however, we will see plainly and certain decisions will become much easier. As life is not about ease, our current predicament should not be cause for dismay. I long to lean not on my own understanding...

Why

We often wonder why things happen, don't we? Or we wonder why things are the way they are (or appear to be). People go through life with a very strong inability to trust when they do not understand (which is not really much trust at all). With each other we demand why's all the time- like some sort of pathological disease. People always seem to want to know why. Why did you not call me yesterday? Why did you say that in front of those people? Why didn't you do that thing I asked you to? It goes on and on and on. You really have to wonder, though- when we ask the question, do we want the answer? If we get the answer, are we expecting it to change something inside of us (how we feel, perhaps)?

People do the same thing with God. Why did you let my beloved die? Why did you not stop that earthquake? Why did you make me handicapped? Why don't you visibly show yourself to everyone? And if a person does not get the answer they are looking for- they get furious. At that point, reason does not begin- it exits the building entirely. If I don't understand why- you must not exist. If I do not understand why- you must not care. If I don't understand why- you must be a monster! This is how it goes (at least in our culture) over and over and over again.

But I have to wonder if we really want to know why God does what He does. I have to wonder if we knew if it would really change how we feel. I have to wonder if knowing why is really what people are after. I doubt it is what they need in many situations- but I begin to wonder if they really even want it...

All of us have questions we do not know the answers to. I think that maybe we should think a little bit about why we are asking the questions we do in the first place.

To Be As Blind

When things have gone wrong for so long that you do not remember right... sometimes you are as blind to the good you do and receive that is all around you right now. Sometimes you see so much bad you begin to think that bad is all there is. Sometimes you think you have sinned so much that it is just part of who you really are. Sometimes those around you have sinned so much you begin to think that this life has no joys and was not made for such happy things. There are some problems with thinking like this.

When you are in such a state you miss what God has put right there in front of you and inside of you. And, when you view life as suffering you may lose sight of the purpose of suffering that God has intended, as though it were without benefit. Both of these views do not comport with the truth.

May the Lord have mercy upon the downtrodden. Who else will lift them up?

On Commitment

Some battles take longer than others. Commitment is tested when you cannot see the end of the war. Commitment and ability are two different things, however. One's commitment is not enough to say, change the orbit of the moon around the earth. Commitment is often required for a prolonged conflict, it is necessary- but never sufficient. The battle will often belong to those with something other than commitment. It is good to be committed to a good cause- it is not, however, good enough to be committed to a good cause. If the Lord does not build it...

You know it's hard to find the connection between the dots when you do not believe there is one.

Quote of the Week XXV

You are responsible for the man you are- not the man people say you are.

(Luther Cox)

Two Things...

When considering the "problem" of evil, I rarely hear people discuss the evil in their own hearts. When people ask how God could allow this and that atrocity, I rarely hear anyone ask how God could forgive a man. It is interesting that the thrust of the problem of evil is not mainly a strong philosophical argument but rather a deep emotional unreasoned gut reaction. No one who champions the "problem" wants to deal with their own evil or God's forgiveness. I am, of course, open to correction if someone knows of something I have missed. Consistency is an uncomfortable thing.

Goodbye Johnny

Goodbye Johnny I never knew you
And I guess I never will
Goodbye Johnny I never met you
And my heart has grown quite still
Death comes easy, always, and often
Living is hard, uncertain, and rare
Goodbye Johnny the world keeps spinning
And we don't pretend to know it's fair.

"Having never known..."

"Having never known the man I really couldn't say.
And all the wishing, poorer still
Never the less I feel it impinging upon my sensibilities
And am all the more distressed for that which I cannot affect.

If it were another way
And I could perform some great feat-
but alas, such is not available to me,
And it is only this way here.

Knowing the evil in my heart
And how great a weakness lives within me
I am at a loss as to how to proceed,
The mercies of God are all that remain for me."

And who hasn't felt a kindred pang for such sentiment as this?

A Certain Thing.

Dying is the gift she would not have
And though it was the best of gifts
And every thing she wanted was laid therein
She could not bear to receive it then.

Living was the hardest thing
And though she did not want it at all
And though she wanted nothing less
She could not bear the experience then.

Believing was the simple part
In a certain way at least
It all made so much sense to her
And alternatives were poor at best then.

Trusting was another thing
And was what she could not begin
To do herself within herself
To conquer all that shame and sin.

But then there was this certain thing
This thing she could not ignore
And a thing it was so unreal to her
But she so very much just wanted more.

Dr. Peter Toon Has Died

Sunday, April 26, 2009

The Death of Dr. Peter Toon Saturday April 25, 2009

Dr. Peter Toon, priest and theologian, passed away on the evening of the feast of St Mark the Evangelist, in San Diego, California, where he and his wife have resided for the last months. He will be sorely missed by all those who love the Anglican Way. Dr. Toon has been, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the most vocal and prolific defender of the theology of the Anglican Reformation and the traditional Book of Common Prayer over the last decades. The absence of his voice on so many issues facing the church today will be an irreparable loss. Clarity of mind, depth of knowledge, and vigor of presentation marked his work, making his arguments both distinctive and convincing. An evangelist like St Mark, he was a lion of the faith.

During the last year, Dr. Toon has been suffering from a rare disease called amyloidosis. Diagnosed last spring, he underwent various treatments that were intended to slow the progress of the disease. Sadly, the disease was stronger than the medications, and we have lost him sooner than was hoped.

At the end Dr. Toon was attended by Fr Tony Noble, rector of All Saints' Episcopal Church, San Diego. Over the last weeks they have prayed together with the 1662 Book of Common Prayer, and his final words to Fr Noble were to the praise of God who he has served and loved so well. In his last hours, Fr Noble prayed with Dr. Toon the commendatory prayer.

O Almighty God, with whom do live the spirits of just men made perfect, after they are delivered from their earthly prisons: We humbly commend the soul of this thy servant,our dear brother, into thy hands, as into the hands of a faithful Creator, and most merciful Saviour; most humbly beseeching thee that it may be precious in they sight. Wash it, we pray thee, in the blood of that immaculate Lamb, that was slain to take away the sins of the world; that whatsoever defilements it may have contracted in the midst of this miserable and naughty world, through the lusts of the flesh or the wiles of Satan, being purged and done away, it may be presented pure and without spot before thee. And teach us who survive, in this and other like daily spectacles of mortality, to see how frail and uncertain our own condition is; and so to number our days, that we may seriously apply our hearts to that holy and heavenly wisdom, whilst we live here, which may in the end bring us to life everlasting, through the merits of Jesus Christ, thine only Son our Lord. Amen.

May light perpetual shine up on Dr. Toon. May the souls of the faithful departed rest in peace.


Dr. Roberta Bayer
The Prayer Book Society of the United States of America

The Prayer Book Society will hold a memorial service at All Saints' Episcopal Church, San Diego, California, at a future date.
(from the Prayer Book Society Blog)

How can I dry my tears. I refuse. The loss is great.

From, "The War Inside"

The Christian life is a war, and the fiercest battles are those that rage within the heart of every believer. The new birth radically and permanently changes a person's sinful nature, but it does not immediately liberate that nature from all of the remnants of sin. Birth is followed by growth, and that growth involves warfare. (Tom Ascol. "The War Inside." Table Talk; April, 2009.

Union With Christ

Quote of the Week XXIV

Obama gets it part right
I actually agree with aspects of his broad diagnosis of the Wall Street problem:

Wall Street is not going to play as dominant a role in the economy as regulations reduce "some of the massive leveraging and the massive risk-taking that had become so common," President Barack Obama says. The changes in the role of Wall Street and the huge profits that came from that risk-taking could mean other adjustments as well, Obama said in an interview in this week's New York Times Magazine.

"That means that more talent, more resources will be going to other sectors of the economy," he said. "I actually think that's healthy. We don't want every single college grad with mathematical aptitude to become a derivatives trader. We want some of them to go into engineering, and we want some of them to be going into computer design.... I think it's important to understand that some of that wealth was illusory in the first place," he said."

Where Obama goes awry is that his plan is to attack the symptoms and not the disease. So long as the paper money system exists, the easiest and fastest way to obtain more of it is to play paper games. And some of the policies he is contemplating are certifiably insane, such as his plan to attack tax havens and overseas profits. As the British are learning, all that does is cause your best entrepreneurs to leave the country entirely. Preventing companies from writing off domestic expenses for overseas profits isn't going to reduce the incentive for U.S. companies to base part of their operations in other countries, it's going to increase their incentive to move ALL of their operations elsewhere.

It's also amusing how the US media inevitably mentions places like the Cayman Islands in articles like these, when the real problem is that in comparison with US corporate rates, about half the world, including many European countries, look like tax havens.(Vox Day)

"Soon and very soon..." I always liked that line.

A Brief Thought On Correction

For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom He receives." -Hebrews 12:6

When was the last time you thanked God for His correction. Understanding that if the Lord does not rebuke you He does not love you is not the same as hearing it and nodding assent. The scripture, however, is both true and sufficient. I pray that I will thank the Lord for His rebukes. I want to be loved, after all.

This our cry
Is from our hearts
And comes from places rarely trod
And we who voice
Our deepest thoughts
Are listening for our savior's call.

And How Has His Wrath Turned?

"How can I give you up, Ephraim? How can I hand you over, Israel? How can I make you like Admah? How can I set you like Zeboiim? My heart churns within me; My sympathy is stirred. I will not execute the fierceness of My anger I will not again destroy Ephraim. For I am God, and not a man, The Holy One in your midst; and I will not come with terror. -Hosea 11:8-9

The Lord wishes for His children to be well- and how have we separated this from His commands?

Quote of the Week XXIII

The Spiritual Gift of Wisdom Defined

The gift of wisdom is the ability to have insight into people and situations that is not obvious to the average person, combined with an understanding of what to do and how to do it. It is the ability to not only see, but also apply the principles of God's Word to the practical matters of life by the "Spirit of wisdom" (Eph. 1:17). -Mark Driscoll on "The Resurgence" blog

And The Pain, It Stops You...

I should be working
But instead, I'm paralyzed by the pain of your loss
It seems like I can only hurt for one of you at a time
I can think about some of the others-- the litany,
But I can only feel one at a time.

I always wish it was me and not you
I always wish I could have helped
I always wished I could have been there
I always wish...

The days go by and a year draws close
I had the strangest thing happen to me not too long ago--
And guess who I would like to tell but can't...
I wish I could tell you of my new joy...

I'm making coffee at night-- it reminds me of you (and so many others...)
I'm praying that God will let me work
But the pain is too much
And I cannot ignore the pain- even for my own good.

I know that the Lord keeps His sheep,
I know that they hear his voice
I know that I miss you
I wish you were here, Nick, I wish you were here...

I measure every grief...

It is sometimes a truly wondrous thing how poetry can express what prose cannot. Grief is a hard thing that every man has to deal with in their lives. If you choose not to deal with your grief (whatever that may be), you condemn yourself to more misery. Artists tend to have more experience with expressing grief- but don't let that fool you... that does not mean they know how to deal with it...

I measure every grief I meet
With analytic eyes;
I wonder if it weighs like mine,
Or has an easier size.

I wonder if they bore it long,
Or did it just begin?
I could not tell the date of mine,
It feels so old a pain.

I wonder if it hurts to live,
And if they have to try,
And whether, could they choose between,
They would not rather die.

I wonder if when years have piled--
Some thousands--on the cause
Of early hurt, if such a lapse
Could give them any pause;

Or would they go on aching still
Through centuries above,
Enlightened to a larger pain
By contrast with the love.

The grieved are many, I am told;
The reason deeper lies,--
Death is but one and comes but once
And only nails the eyes.

There's grief of want, and grief of cold,--
A sort they call 'despair,'
There's banishment from native eyes,
In sight of native air.

And though I may not guess the kind
Correctly yet to me
A piercing comfort it affords
In passing Calvary,

To note the fashions of the cross
Of those that stand alone
Still fascinated to presume
That some are like my own.

- Emily Dickinson

It is a strange comfort to know that you are not alone. I wish that I could really convey my gratitude to all the people (strangers and friends alike) who God has used to show me that I am not alone in my struggles- not alone in my grief. I'll start with the dead... Thank you Emily, I mean that.

Pleasing Everyone Pleases No One

President Obama gave a speech last Tuesday (April 14th) at Georgetown University on his over-arching plan to fix the current economic crisis. He made a little bit of a stir before he even began speaking, though.

Religious Symbols Hidden

Before President Barack Obama spoke from Gaston Hall at Georgetown University last week, his advance team requested that the university hide or remove any religious symbols or signs while the president was on stage. Of the more prominent was a monogram IHS, whose letters in Greek spell out the name of Jesus and which normally perches above the stage in Gaston Hall. During the address, the monogram was covered with what appeared to be black wood.

Georgetown is a private Catholic institution founded by Jesuits in 1789. The auditorium in which the president spoke is normally adorned with religious imagery, but only the symbols directly on the stage — those likely to be picked up by a television camera — were obscured.

Bill Donohue, president of the Catholic League, accused the university of "cowardice" for acceding to the While House, and criticized Obama's team for asking a religious school to "neuter itself" before the president made his address. "No bishop who might speak at the While House would ever request that a crucifix be displayed behind him," said Donohue.

The White House said that the backdrop, which included blue drapes and a host of American flags, was standard during policy speeches and other events.

Though the advance team asked that the religious signs be veiled, the president himself included in his message an analogy from Jesus' Sermon on the Mount as he outlined his plans for an economic recovery. "We cannot rebuild the economy on the same pile of sand," he said. "We must build our house upon a rock." [FoxNews.com]
(From "The Pastor's Weekly Briefing"(a pastoral ministry of Focus on the Family) by H.B. London Jr.)

I would suggest that if you travel somewhere, you should be more respectful to the people you are visiting. If you disagree with them on something- you should do it in the open. If you do not think that you should be associated with them, perhaps you should not visit. Here is the video of the speech for anyone interested:

Seasons of Grief

The days come and the days go
But all the memories remain
Frozen in time, fallen in snow
A winter museum for the sane.

I remember your smile and remember your laugh
And all the goofy things you did
You shone like a star and then you burned out
And now your light is hid.

I cry in the sun and cannot hold back
And in the brightest of days
I wish you were here and had never gone
But your memory remains.

Entrapment

Rose, 20-year-old UCLA student and president of the nonprofit Live Action, entered Planned Parenthood's Memphis Health Center undercover and told a counselor that she was 14 years old, pregnant by her 31-year-old "boyfriend" and needed a secret abortion so her parents would not find out about her sexual relationship with the older man.

"Tennessee Code 37-1-605 requires health professionals to report suspected cases of sexual abuse of minors to law enforcement immediately," the group said.

"The Planned Parenthood counselor hears about the abuse, says she should report it, decides to remain silent, then tells me to lie to the judge about 31-year-old man," Rose said of the video. -From World Net Daily

You know that people do not really think that speeding is wrong because they speed, they lie about speeding, and they do not care if others speed. You know that a person does not think that statutory rape is wrong (as well as abortion), when she tells a girl she believes to be a teenager to lie to her parents, the police, and a judge if need be to avoid the consequences of the statutory rape and abortion (which itself is an attempt to avoid consequences).

How can you make a person feel something? You can't. How can you make a person desire to do right and be moral? You can't. Where does that leave us?

Quote of the Week XXII

VD: Do you think an ongoing period of economic contraction will see the British people demand to leave the European Union?

Hannan: They already do! The latest opinion poll was conducted by the BBC a week ago, and showed that 55 per cent of voters want to leave the EU. It's true that this position isn't yet shared by any major political party, but that moment will come: politicians cannot swim forever against the current of public opinion. If you offered a Swiss or Norwegian-style free trade deal, people would go for that with a large majority.

(From an interview posted on Vox Day's blog)

Someone had to say it...

All I Want In This Time

Lord I feel like a hole
Where the good things come to die
And the rot in my soul
Is near the reason that you died

And all I want is just one thing
Just this thing, this great thing
I want to lay my burden down
I want to lay my burden down
I want to lay my burden down
Down at your feet...

Lord my life is like mist
And quickly the sun bids me gone
As the dawn comes like this
So too I fade with this song

And all I want is just one thing
Only just this one thing
I want to lay my burden down
I want to lay my burden down
I want to lay my burden down
Down at your feet...

Bouldering

Seasons are for the weak. Boulder on.

Mt. Healy

Lovely view from the top of Dragonfly falls.

Summers In Paradise

I do so enjoy some places.

We often fail to realize how the Lord is working. It is hard to grasp how much is going on out of our sight and out of our understanding. There is a so much we just do not apprehend.

Ron Paul On Bill Maher

No Explanation Needed... Pure Joy

Freedom Watch With Judge Andrew Napolitano has Ron Paul on the Show

Judge Napolitano and others discuss the "stimulus" package with Ron Paul (part 1 of 6).

Paul Krugman on Looking Ignorant

I particularly enjoyed this one. Nobel prizes are worth less than the krona these days.

Quote of the Week XXI

The laws of logic are universally and necessarily valid, but our use of them, like our use of everything else, is fallible, because of our finitude and sin.

(Frame, John M. "No Other God: A response to Open Theism" p 42. P&R Publishing. 2001.)

Given that God is so powerful and so gracious... we should not cease to come before Him and ask that our thinking be made right. He can do it and we should believe that He has not idly exhorted us to do so.

Westminster Shorter Catechism...

Quote of the Week XX

I have all the corners, and most of the edges, but no middle.

(Melanie Reed, in a conversation about love and relationships)

Rodrigo y Gabriela

Gabriella y Rodrigo are amazing.

The death of death is all my joy
The death inside is all my pain
The death of God is sung in vain
And everywhere We dream...

"We shall overcome,
we shall overcome,
we shall overcome,
some day."

Her voice I hear in the streets
And on the radio
And under all the working,
I hear hear it everywhere.

But do I heed the voice I hear?
Do I do the work I know?
Is there hope before I die?
Is there hope today...?

Things We Want to Say.

"Today is the first day of something..." I think we've all felt and thought (sometimes wrongly) that before. The thing I hate the most is when I want to believe that but can't. You know, it's those times when you would like a new beginning-- but you are just too cynical, or just don't have that kind of faith in God's desire for you to have good. The thing is, despite ourselves, there are new beginnings everyday. God never stops working. He never stops caring. Despite all the awfulness around and inside us, His mercies are new every morning. So maybe today is the first day of something after all.

Sea Bass

Genesis 2:22 explains the creation of Eve saying, "And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man." God made the earth and called it good, but even before sin entered the world God said it was not good for the man to be alone. So, God made Eve to be with the man as a lover, helper, and friend. Until that point, Adam had never seen a woman because one had not been formed by God's hands. All that Adam had seen to that point in his life were the aardvarks, sea bass, and other animals that would not look good in a wedding photo. Eve may or may not have been beautiful, but to Adam she was glorious because she was all he had ever known. Practically, he had no standard of beauty to compare his bride to-- she was his only standard of beauty.

(Driscoll, Mark. "Porn-Again Christian: a frank discussion on pornography & masturbation." RE:LIT.)

I have often wondered weather or not I believed in an objective standard of beauty or not- often going back and forth on the spectrum. This provides me with some food for thought. Would we consider Eve to be beautiful? Did Adam? Does beauty demand that there be an agreement between the two?

Quote of the Week XIX

The basic structure of Christian Theology is simple. Its every teaching should be taken from the scriptures of the Old and New Testament as being the words of prophets and apostles spoken on the authority of Jesus Christ, the Son of God and Son of Man, the Saviour of sinners.

(Van Til, Cornelius. "The Defense of the Faith." pg 7. The Presbyterian and Reformed Publishing Company. Phillipsburg, NJ: Third Edition, 1967.)

A Child For an Hour

I went winter trail-riding for the first time yesterday. I felt like a kid again. I just pedaled and pedaled and pedaled... it was awesome. I rode a "Kula 2-9" from one of my buddies. It was so much lighter than my winter commuter- and the wheels were so much bigger- and so much wider... I just don't even know where to begin. The bike was amazing- but the real significant thing is what that amazing bike made possible- which was riding through trails in the woods in the snow in the middle of winter... it was incredible. I am very thankful to God for the whole experience. It was refreshing and comforting to be filled with awe and wonder once again.

Cold and Dark

So on my bike ride to work this morning, it was nineteen degrees below zero F. I was riding along, trying to pedal faster and not think about my toes too much when the thought struck me-- "it really is a nice day out." Now, I wouldn't recommend bike rides in the middle of Fairbanks winters to most people, but there is something about getting outside at least once a day and being in God's creation. I'm still trying to work out how the Godhead is evident-- but I'll keep working on it.

A Precursor To A Rough Draft

It's what I long for now
It's what I need right now
I never really got it
I never really understood...

Finding it is not so easy
Losing it is not so hard
Starting it is so much simpler
Holding on is quite another thing.

One is hard-pressed to rise without it
One is hard put to lay down in its absence
"It is not good..."
Ain't that the truth...

Where are there boundaries?
Where are there rules?
Why am I on my own in this?
When I can barely stand without it.

Having it is like a drug
But one that leads to health and not to shame
Living it is like a dream
It takes away so much sorrow even when it brings its own pain.

Who am I to question God?
Who am I to think I know better?
Who am I to think I cannot be blessed?
How dare I...?

I do not know what will come tomorrow
I do not know what will come today
I am not full of joy right now
And maybe that is ok...

Why Comments On Local Internet Newspapers Are So Worth It

I thought Pomeranians were those fruits they eat in the places like Iran and India. Oh, wait, that's pomegranates. It's so easy to confuse the two.

-from "The_Alaska_Curmudgeon" commenting on an article from a small-town newspaper.

The Spaniard Plays To The Weeping Dog

Who is it that would back down?
Who is it that would back away?
Who is it that would stay on the ground?
Who is it that would cede the day?

All around the weakness crashes
All around the death comes hard
Bombs, and screams, and ashes
We are not many and I am just one.

Ugly is this fighting
And nothing in it seems so true
But I am not born for quitting
And I was not set free for chains and fear.

I hear the stomping round and round me
Dancers in their soldier's garb
Music plays and plays and plays and plays
And I just want to fall.

One more day and one more mile
On and up and on we go
My being hurts so much I cannot feel it
And everything is numb.

Play for me that hymn of Jesus
Play for me that sweet guitar
Play for me that haunting rhythm
Play me somewhere away so very far.

"We Don't Have Time For This!"... Or Do We?

It seems that the new American President has made one or two decisions already that have been both noticed and welcomed in the international press. In an article from "Le Devoir":

Finies la torture et les prisons secrètes

Claude Lévesque

Barack Obama a ordonné hier la fermeture de la prison de Guantánamo d'ici un an ainsi que le gel de toutes les procédures devant les tribunaux d'exception qui y siègent, de même que la fermeture, «le plus tôt possible», des geôles secrètes de la CIA et l'interdiction des formes d'interrogatoires, largement qualifiées de torture, qui ont été pratiquées par les États-Unis depuis le 11-Septembre 2001.

And then from The Times:

Philippe Naughton

Barack Obama has wasted no time in getting down to the business of government, asking prosecutors to halt controversial military trials at Guantanamo Bay within hours of his inauguration.

The request was issued via the Department of Defence even as President Obama and his wife Michelle waltzed their way through a series of glitzy inaugural balls.

Mr Obama pledged during his campaign to close the prison camp on Cuba set up in 2001 to hold detainees from the 'War on Terror'. The camp's legality has always been questioned, and former inmates and human rights experts said the harsh interrogation techniques deployed inside it amounted to torture.

Last night's request was for a 120-day stay in the trials of five alleged 9/11 plotters - including the self-proclaimed 'mastermind' behind America's worst terror attack - and of a Canadian accused of killing a US soldier in Afghanistan. Mr Obama had been expected to issue an executive order as early as today for the full closure of the camp, but accepts that it might take months to rehouse some 250 inmates still held there.

And then from Le Monde we have an expansion of the theme.

Guantanamo a marqué les années Bush. Bagram ternira-t-il l'ère Obama ? Situé au nord-est de Kaboul, le plus important centre de détention américain d'Afghanistan compte près de 630 prisonniers capturés par les forces de la coalition. Afghans pour la plupart, tous ne sont pas des "combattants ennemis", mais, à en croire les rapports du Comité international de la Croix-Rouge (CICR), leur sort n'a rien à envier à celui des détenus de Guantanamo.

The international press is on to something here. The question is: How far is President Obama willing to go on this?

Quote of the Week XVIII

In war there is hope.

-Sarah Connor, From the TV show: "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles"

Go Boston...?

So apparently you really could have a CSI Boston show. That is somewhat less than heartening.

Let us drop our fragile masks
And show once more what we once hid
And look intently at each other
As when young, we once did.

New Link- "Poem Hunter"

I put a new link called Poem Hunter some of you might find useful at the bottom on the right under "Other Resources." It is a site with (among other things) a searchable poetry database. I recommend checking it out if you either have an interest in poetry, or are trying to find a poem or poet that is on the tip of your tongue, but that you can't quite remember. Cheers.

On Hope

It sometimes feels like hope is a ghost. Sometimes it is there; sometimes it is not. It is always on the edge of your vision- always on the periphery. It is as if you are more likely to feel it than to see it... and perhaps this is right and good. Still, you cannot plant desires in your own heart. You cannot plant feelings in your own heart. You cannot plant attitudes in your own heart and mind. You may want to hope... but wanting is not enough.

They say it is hard to go on without hope... and this is surely true... but we often do things we do not have good reason to do (even though good reason may exist somewhere else besides inside our own minds). People go on who seem to have no hope every day. Lord save me from my fatalism. Have mercy upon our minds and hearts, oh God.

Oh, this will be good.

I was reading Al Mohler's blog when I stumbled upon this in reference to the upcoming inauguration:

The event Bishop Robinson will open with prayer will be a huge opening rally featuring major entertainment figures and a mass gathering on the mall. Artists invited to perform at the event include Bono, Stevie Wonder, and Bruce Springsteen, along with the Gay Men's Chorus of Washington.

I just want to know why the vampire hunters have not been represented. I feel somehow slighted.

Steven is probably the originator of the ancient art of Tai Chi.

Steven invented Tai Chi during the 3rd dynasty.

The Star Trek Reference Files

I find it difficult to think clearly when I am not emotionally detached. This, of course, makes thinking about emotions terribly difficult. I can sympathize with Data. It is a lot to overcome. Always wanting a release- and always right now... quite the challenge.

Quote of the Week XVII

"Long my imprisoned spirit lay
Fast bound in sin and nature's night:
Thine eye diffused a quickening ray;
I woke; the dungeon flamed with light;

My chains fell off: my heart was free:
I rose, went forth, and followed thee."

-Charles Wesley

I just broke a coffee pot... very upsetting... war is war though, I suppose. We often break things we took for granted though, don't we? We are more connected than we realize.

I long for the day when Christ returns. Now I just need to prepare. How does one look to the future without ignoring or despising the present?

Some things linger far longer than you would like. The truth is often that you let them. The war is over for us when we are all dead.

God Has Been Faithful

Another year has passed. 2008 was debilitating devastating. I lost two friends to suicide and that was just the start of it. I am tempted to say (with a great sigh of relief), "wow, glad that's over," but I somehow think that that might not give God's work in this past year it's proper due.

The truth is that many great and wonderful things were done in the year of our Lord two-thousand-eight. This does not require any of us to ignore, trivialize, or hide our grief from the terrible pains of this last year. To say that God is faithful has never meant that everything has gone according to our plans. To say that God is faithful has never meant that things have turned out the way that you thought they would. To say that God is faithful has never meant that He has made it easy for us. To say that God is faithful has never ever ever meant that any of us knew his whole counsel and secret will. We simply do not know everything that we might wish to know.

In this past year (and today is my Birthday... so I have really managed to pass another year), there has been grief that is almost too much to bear. There has been sadness almost equal to times past which I had thought would never again even be approached. The questions of why have become haunting. The burden of pain has been like the weight of the world. Yet I am still here; I am still standing. God is still faithful.

In this past year, babies have been born. In this past year, friends have married. In this past year, some of our soldiers have returned home to us safely. In this past year I have gained a new appreciation for family, a new understanding of the need for relationship in my life (and all of our lives), a new heart for education, and a new understanding of friendship and love. I have had errors in my thinking exposed. I have had errors in my doing lose ground. I have had the weight of the fellowship of the Church brought to my eyes and felt it above and beneath my very being. In short, God has been faithful.

I have some new friends and I still have many faithful old friends. I did not reach perfection last year. I did not always do right. I did not always do what was best. Sometimes I did not even know that what I was doing was not going to be so good... even though upon reflection that became quite simple and obvious. People did not always do right by me last year, either. People did not always do what was best concerning me. They did not always have courage; they did not always keep faith. I hurt and was hurt in this past year. I ask that any of you whom I did wrong by this past year would beg God to put forgiveness in your heart... and I will most certainly do the same for you.

We do not always know what to do. We do not always handle our troubles well. We do not always establish appropriate boundaries with each other. We are not always very quick to forgive- and of course we are not always quick to listen. We are not always honest with each other. We do not admit that we need each other every day. When we realize that we need things- we do not always go to the right place to try and have those needs met. We do not always readily admit our part in our own troubles- so much so that we often do not even see our part because we have blinded ourselves. We get mad at the wrong persons for the wrong reasons and wonder why we find it so hard for us to forgive them. In all of our lives, in all of our concerns, in all of our woes- we forget that God is faithful. We do not trust Him. We break fellowship with other believers in times of turmoil and stop going to Church when other believers are exactly the people we should be going to. We hold on to what was never ours. We demand what we have no right to. We expect that which contradicts all our experience and all that we can gather from the Word of God and are somehow surprised that our expectations are not met. We are all of us sinful. We are all of us flawed. We all need.

And somehow, for some reason, God is faithful to His church and to his Word. God has been so in 2008 and He will be so in 2009. Blessed be His holy name.

Quote of the Week XVI

"Hope abides."
-Michael on the radio, From the film, Twenty Years After

Daddy Come Home

Daddy come home,
I'm all alone
Daddy come home,
I'm all alone
Just come today
I'll be so behaved
Please come today
I'd be so behaved
Won't you come home?
I'm all alone
Please just come home
I'm all alone.

In the still and in the dark
Is where I feel the most afraid
And even though I'm there to pray
Perhaps I will not make it.

The simplest things feel so beyond
and all my strength has left me
The joy of it is nowhere seen
And I am having quite the time.

All this feeling seems too much
And all these memories the same
Nothing permanent at all-
Nothing that is, except the pain.

Daddy come home,
I feel so alone
Please just come home
I feel too alone
Why did you die?
I'm still alive
Why did you die?
I'm still alive
Daddy come home
Your son is alone
Please just come home
'Cause I'm all alone.

Gratitude

Today I would like to take the opportunity to thank all my friends and family for being a part of my life, for being patient with me, for exhorting me, for forgiving me, for helping me, and for occasionally letting me help them. Life is meant to be lived in relationship. Kevin, I miss, you. Come back safe. May the Lord bless you all.

Quote of the Week XV

"The ghosts of regret did not return today to mark the anniversary of your death. This time, there was no struggle to hide from memory and imagination. Where once I braced for a backward slide into confusion and guilt, I now prepared to celebrate the years of our mystical companionship.
So when you were there to greet me at dawn, your presence was warmly welcomed. Together we ushered in the day. -Molly Fumia

Sonship and You

What does it mean to be a son (or daughter, for that matter)? What does it mean for you? What does it require of you? Does it benefit you? Does it tell you anything about who you are? These are the questions I will be exploring here in the immediate future. Comments and questions are always welcome.

Adoption Again

"Q. 34. What is adoption?
A. Adoption is an act of God's free grace, whereby we are received into the number, and have a right to all the privileges of, the sons of God."

(From the Westminster Shorter Catechism)

Adoption

Here is a Sermon titled "The Doctrine Of Adoption 1" I found at sermonaudio.com (Pastor Paul Michael Raymond from Reformed Bible Church, Central Virginia)

Daughter

"DAUGHTER, n.
1. The female offspring of a man or woman; a female child of any age.
2. A daughter in law; a son's wife. Ruth iii.
3. A woman; plu.female inhabitants. Dina went out to see the daughters of the land. Gen. xxxiv.
4. A female descendant; lineage of females. Luke i.
5. The female penitent of a confessor
Shak.
This word is used in scripture for the inhabitants of a city or country, male and female. Is. xvi. 2 Matt. xxi. Also as a term of affection or kindness.
Daughter,be of good comfort. Matt. ix."

American Dictionary of the English Language. Noah Webster. 1828.)

Son II

"SON,
2. A male descendant, however distant; hence in the plural, sons signifies descendants in general, a sense much used in the Scriptures. The whole human race are styled sons of Adam."

(American Dictionary of the English Language. Noah Webster. 1828.)

Son I

"SON,
1. A male child; the male issue of a parent, father or mother. Jacob had twelve sons. Ishmael was the son of Hagar by Abraham."

(American Dictionary of the English Language. Noah Webster. 1828)

To My Love IV

I love you tomorrow; I love you always.
I feel you forever, forever inside me
I break in the waiting, and long for the joining
And ever and always I dream of your heart.

I am the least, the least of my brethren
And I am the weakest of men that I know
And I cannot fathom a love to remember
And I am afraid it will go up in smoke.

I long for death as one still born
And all in the valley is dark and cold
And you are a light and gift to adorn
But I fear when I find you I will be much too old.

You are not my salvation and not my rest
Yet I am afloat and I cannot sleep
You are beauty inside me and mostly the best
And I dream that you are real.

"I do not deserve you," is the thing I say
And I am hardly able to call aloud
I feel the confusion and fear for the sway
But I feel alone and haunted right now.

I've never seen an angel
But I am still here
Faith is rewarded
Remember, my dear.

Quote of the Week XIV

"Political pragmatism dug this hole. Abandoning principle one more time won't help America or the Republican Party get out of it." (Vox Day)

Rescue Me

You are worthy oh my God
All your works declare you great
You are worthy Oh my Lord
Far above the highest things

Rescue me out from the pit
Rescue me for I am low
I cannot restore myself
Rescue me Lord; rescue me.

I have drug my weary heart
Through the mire of lustful sin
I feel I've made your goodness naught
I feel I've ruined everything.

Rescue me out from the pit
Rescue me for I am low
I cannot restore myself
Rescue me Lord; rescue me.

Thank you for my beating heart
And all the wonder deep inside
Thank you Lord for what you've done
In your shelter where I hide.

Rescue me out from the pit
Rescue me for I am low
I cannot restore myself
Rescue me Lord; rescue me.

Hear my cry, Lord, for I am faint
Do not leave me with this heart
Create in me what I cannot
Make me like your son.

Rescue me out from the pit
Rescue me for I am low
I cannot restore myself
Rescue me Lord; rescue me.

Keep Me Lord I Pray.

I cannot take the pain tonight
It hurts too much
It hurts too real.

I cannot raise my sword to fight
I have no strength
I only feel.

I am overwhelmed tonight
And all the world just turns and turns
I can never make it stop
While everything just burns and burns.

I am lost at sea tonight
And nothing ever gets quite through
And everything that I had held
Is now what's left and holding you.

I am not alone.

I wish the pain would stop tonight
I wish that it would go away
I am running out of fight
And I don't like to feel this way.

I don't see the end right now
But I know that it's there
And everything that isn't right
And everything that isn't fair--

I know that He will come again
Keep me Lord I pray.

Delta Blues

I have just discovered something monumental. It is called the Delta Blues. Sure I'd heard one or two songs in a movie here and there... but tonight I walked into a pub and there was this guy playing this music. He was up on stage playing the weirdest looking guitar I had ever seen. He was using a slide and singing things that... I am speechless... I have never heard anything like it before. It moved me in a way that, up till now, only Thomas Tallis and J.S. Bach had been able to do- and it wasn't just the songs, it was the style itself. I just do not know what to say...

Quote of The Week XIII

"For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also." (James 2:26)

On The Wishes Of The Burdened

To the dead and to the dying
It's not enough to live again
It's not enough to start it over
It's not enough at all my friends.

To the ones we always ever
See before our very eyes
You have gone and we are left here
But most of us just want to die.

To the ones we wish were with us
Life has never been the same
And ever since you left our presence
We just can't quite play this game.

To the ones who left too early
We just don't know what to say
We are lost and broke without you
And truth is hidden behind the pain.

To the ones who'd have us hate God
As if I could, as if I would
You never ever seem to get it
But I guess you never ever would.

To the stricken who lash and wander
To the ones who cannot cope
To the ones who find the bottle
And the ones who find the rope,

To the ones who pull the trigger
To the ones who cut and bleed
We all of us forget each other
We all of us forget we need.

To the ones whose drugs are faster
Faster than our medicine
To the ones who will not weather,
The ones who cannot rise again,

I and all of us before you
Know this world is full of pain
But we just wish that you would call us
so we could hear your voice again.

Identity

Where do I come from?
I just want to know
(thinking somehow I'll know then something).

If I come from nowhere
Where can I go?
(Perhaps it is nowhere and I wait to die).

Why can't I see you?
Inside my mind.
(Are you a figment of my broken soul?)

I do not know me
And I cannot find
(I have no hist'ry and nowhere to hide)

Please tell me something
Something that's true
(For I am a vapour yearning for you).

Please do not leave me
For I am all fear
(And I do not know, how to be here).

To My Love III

And then again and all at once
I couldn't hear and couldn't fight
And all my strength was washed away
And everything was hanging...

I don't know the smallest thing
And I can't hold to everything
and every single word I hear
Is like again to kill me dear...

I am so low
I am so low
Down here we go
Down here so low.

I never thought you'd ever hear
And all the dreams I wasted dear
I never thought that I would land
Just thought that I was drifting...

I always wanted just one thing
But never ever could begin
And every time I close my eyes
I see the dead before me...

I am so low
I am so low
Down here we go
Down here so low.

I used to think so many things
that now I think are terrible
And all the times I thought of you
I never thought you'd come...

I am dreaming of my God
And everyone is seeking Him
And I am running through the throng
Running home to Him...

I am so low
I am so low
Down here we go
Down here so low.

Until the day when every wrong
Is made to right- I can't go on
But on and on the world just goes
And all inside is broken...

But I hold out this very hope
And I just thought that you should know
And every time I think of you
I'll pray that you are flying...

Quote of the Week XII

"Why would you have Denny's lighting in your home?"

(From the illustrious thug, "Bonesey")

Why?

Have you ever thought about how bad things make you appreciate good things? For instance, if you are really thirsty, a tall cool glass of water is appreciated a lot more than if you are not. If you have been poor, money may be appreciated a lot more when you have it than if you had always had plenty. How many times have you realized just how much you cared for someone after it was too late (one way or another)? We all know of some things that we not only appreciate better after some sort of lack or suffering-- but also we know of things that we probably would not appreciate at all if we had not, "gone without."

It may very well be that the pain of this life is for something in "the next." I sure would like that. I think you would, too.

To My Love II

Will it be safe to hurt with you?
I hope so.
Will it be as I could hope
And will you take from me this coil?
And will you not turn me away
When you are not enough to cheer?

I will wait and hope some more
And everything that I wish for
Will be out there and me in here
As you are not yet with me dear.

I am not well tonight.
I hope that you are better off
But if you're not I'll still be here
But I am not enough to cheer
And if you're not I'll sit by you
A long way off until it's true
And if you're not remember this
I am broken, too.

Chalcedon

I was reading an entry from the Catholic Encyclopedia last night that was fascinating. I always love the amount of seemingly obscure historical detail found in the entries there (there is a link to the main page on the right). What I found the most interesting is all the drama and backdrop that was explained before getting to the stuff I had already heard. For instance, the council met somewhere else and then had to move to Chalcedon(near Constantinople) at the "request" of the emperor. Disputed issues of jurisdiction between Bishops were settled. Also, there was a giant controversy (discussed at the council) prior to the meetings that led to the death of a Bishop. And there was so much more. It reminded me of my life. I wonder how many times I have given a thirty-second version of something that involved sin, betrayal, and death. There is so much that we often leave out. Sometimes, perhaps, we shouldn't.

Christ Have Mercy

"One of illegitimate birth shall not enter the assembly of the Lord; even to the tenth generation none of his descendants shall enter the assembly of the Lord."

(Deuteronomy 23:2 NKJV)

I believe that the double-edged sword has laid the blow that no one else could really make. It seems to me that here and now the Holiness of God brings fear. And so we must fear the Lord. I begin to see the holiness of the Lord as something that is not peripheral. It is not something abstract. It is not something that makes me at all comfortable with myself. Christ have mercy.

Hallelujah

Life so hard I cannot take
And pain so heavy I cannot stand
Another brick and I will break
My load is like a sea of sand.

Oh the joy of just one glimpse
And how I love the slightest breeze
And dreaming on now ever since
I fear the fear my heart will seize.

I cannot bear the pain today
And in this moment I can't stand
I am never here this way
And in this sea I see no land.

Michael row my boat somewhere
Please, I beg of you
Place within my heart somehow
A hallelujah to see me through.

The Fallen And Me A Step Behind

I was just thinking about my dad, my uncle, Richard Harrington III, Mike, Chris, Jess, Doug, Lauren, and Nick. I miss them and I can't get any of them back. I wish they were all still here. In James 1:17 it says, "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning." (NKJV)

I wonder when I read that. No variation. The God who does the one thing is the same God who does another. There is no shadow of turning. The God who raises the dead is the same God who cuts down men like wheat. The way He was then is the way He is now. He is the same in the old testament as He is in the new. The scriptures say that God is constant.

Sometimes I find that hard to swallow, but other times, I realize that I need Him to be, or all those people that I can't get back... well, I sometimes realize that if God changes, I am doomed.

Thank you Lord, for being the rock of my salvation. Grief assails me heavy and hard-- Oh Lord, do not delay.

James and Spiritual Discipline

I have been muddling my way through trying to memorize the book of James (it's in the Bible for those of my readers outside the circle of contextual knowing). I am almost through two chapters and I have to say I really think that I could do a better job of it. I think that I really haven't made faster progress because I haven't put in more frequent (or smarter) practice.

Memorization is a wonderful spiritual discipline. It is, however, quite obviously, a discipline. Let us not forget that work is not antithetical to grace.

To My Love I

I am the dead one, the low one
I am the weak one, the bad one
I am always stuck, but never still
And I do fear the coming kill.

I've spent nothing, but nothing's here
And all my labours dissapear
The darkness without is not the fear
It's the darkness within that scares me dear.

I have not the wherewithal
To stand up strait and stand up tall
I seem to stand-- and that upright
But like a puppet, it's the strings I fight.

And all the world conspires again
And I am ready for the blow
And all my fears are justified
I just thought that you should know.

You are probably being great
And being someone I am not
While I am doing things I hate
And hating all the things I've got.

If I could claw my way up there
To the light I've rarely seen
Perhaps I'd catch a glimpse of you
But only God can intervene.